dharma explorer
Posts: 532
(7/19/03 7:51 pm) Reply
An evening to forget
It was what used to be called a "social mixer". A mixture of mixed up people...mixing metaphors over mixed drinks. Appropriately, it took place at an eatery named "Mick's".
Amazing...the whoring we do to appease those who pay us...
What I really wanted was to be back home wearing a comfortable pair of shorts and surfing the net or reading.
---------- The next best thing to playing and winning....is playing and losing
whats more amazing is the whoring we do because we don't know where to draw the line. Actually, no, we know exactly where the line should have been drawn, but how to draw that line is beyond us. There we are, thinking we're really among friends, among equals, and we just somehow slip into whoring zone because we were too caught up being pleasant and pleasing and, dare I say it, nnnnnnice...
Not so bad?!
Of course I am a complete flirt, but I actually like being thrown into social situations in which I am umcomfortable. I get to meet new women...I love women. They are so much more intelligent than I, and so much more enjoyable than men. Women understand what really makes life tick...and in my job as a complete engineering, patent type, wacko, getting chances to flirt with pretty (the definition is not only a skin deep definiton) women....what was I talking about?
I do understand the "forced social phoney clever ploy" required of many events...but I am a social animal. Crazy. On one hand a complete engineer...on the other hand a complete artist...on the other hand (have three arms) I am a complete bohemian...no wait...that is number one.
Well...manniac...I have had my moments like that which you describe (hell...as a pyscho I have lots of moments...just can't remember them very well) but the one thing I like (after the fact) is being thrown into a disaster and at the end of it being happy with the stress because I learned something new...or met someone who changed my life.
In the end I would say what I hate most is that I don't run into enough people with the power to change my life. I'm an ass...here's why...I make it difficult for someone to reach the level of having a real effect on my life because I am just goddamned amazing (which would be wonderful if true)...(and the reason I hang around here is exactly because without exception, everyone here has an effect). So I welcome chances to meet wonderful people (women)....Ok...the guys here are fan-fricken-tastic too...I just like women better...
No one has to be a prostitute...even in such events. Actually ESPECIALLY in such events. When the norm requires a level of decorum...don't invite me...I shall do all that is possible to destroy this pre-disposed notion of behavior. Trust me on this. It's true. If it's a formal dinner count on me to stuff silverwear down my shirt and to loudly slink towards the door as if to actually steal it...never fails to creat a change in attitude.
That said...and having pulled down my pants for everyone to see...relax about such events. If invited and having to unwillingly attend...make a point to meet a lovely women with which you reach an understanding of mutual DESIRE...revel together in that understanding...and when it is apparent that consumation will never occur...which is the usual conclusion...know that you "met" intellectually. Makes me tear up just writing this because I miss it so.
Well...this is one of those posts I should have sat on for a bit in order to "chicken out" but I've done that enough as well. So...NO...I give you no slack on this because at least from my perspective you missed an opportunity...I wasn't there so I don't know WHICH opportunity...but there was one.
There's the behavior and then there's the state of mind behind the behavior.
For example, one person might get up and dance on a table out of sheer "to-hell-with-it-all" exuberance while another might be motivated by a whoring instinct. Their actions may look the same but their experiences, what someone would hear if they could listen in on the thoughts of the two bar dancers, would be completely different.
It's not so much whether you're polite and nice and cheesy in social situations - it's how in or out of keeping that feels with who you are and how you feel at the time.
That was a beautiful post Damnit Jim, but I suspect, on some level, that manniac found himself in an unalterable mood. Even very well thought out attempts to find the positive in a situation and make good use of the time wither under the weighty sense of "not wanting to be me, here, with these people".
Having already forced a bit of basic social skills, the effort to change outlooks is doomed to feel even more foreign.
Wow, this is one glum nous post. That said, never fear, I am not a glum nous at the moment.
I strayed from the safety of solitude in February and am quite happy so far.
I'm happy for you, Nous
I think...well, I'm also jealous which is again odd since we haven't actually met.
I have always challenged your stance on solitude and figured it was just a matter of time before you ran into someone interesting enough for you. If your new SO is that person I will overcome my odd jealously and replace it with more appropriate emotions...well...I'll try.
...but I really am happy that you are happy. That's a nice thing which you deserve.
Edited by: Damnit Jim at: 7/25/03 5:26 pm
dharma explorer
Posts: 534
(7/25/03 9:25 pm) Reply
Re: An evening to forgetblisslessly - What's even more amazing is that I knew where to draw the line and exactly how I could have drawn the line....but chose not to because doing so would likely have cost me some serious cash.
Yes. I'm a common whore who frequently does for cold hard cash things that I would not otherwise do.
DJ - It was a charity event for a charity that I don't really even agree with. You know how those kinds of events are marketed as "come pay big $$$ to have dinner, drinks and conversation with (insert someones name here)"? Well, I was the someone who's name was inserted there.
BTW that was a very good post, thank you for taking the time and thank you for your concern and advice.
Nous - I am so very happy that you are so very happy with your current life! But, like DJ, there is also a bit of a tear in my heart....you see, I've always thought of you as my Nous.
---------- The next best thing to playing and winning....is playing and losing
Re: An evening to forget
Glad to see you Nous and lovely that you are non-glum. So, maybe it's just possible to find that interesting person.....hmmmm.
I hate social mixers...especially charity social mixers. I have to physically force myself to talk to strangers and just know I come across dumb and uninteresting. At best, I'm a puppy and will follow around the one person I know (if they'll let me) just so I don't have to explain one more time what I do for a living.
You sound fun DJ...maybe you'd be the one I follow around. You'd lighten things up.
THE person to meet manniac! Wow...'course I never would have be able to bring myself to say hi.
Odd, how confident I am in many areas. How much I'd prefer to sit under the table in others.
RE:
Being socially inept, "Mixers" are excuses to do something else. Play turist is generally the accepted behavior since out of town meetings are where these "things" usually occur.
Re: RE:
I was waiting 'til all had their say before joining in - and, as history has it - stopping the conversation.
I'm sorry that your mixer has left you shaken, manniac. The cost of fame is to become the object of both expectation and reverence - cages to ones conscience. Sadly, the greater whore seems one who is a slave to their aspirations, such that they sell their soul with every bow to an idol. Whether to be good servant, or wannabe idol, they leave their truth behind, just as you did that night.
Imagine what they felt, coming home with a tongue swollen from having been bitten repeatedly, not to spare others, but to spare themselves. That they will later brag vicariously through your importance, reveals the most desperate form of poverty.
In short, my friend, you were but one whore in a brothel.
dharma explorer
Posts: 535
(7/26/03 5:45 pm) Reply
Re: An evening to forgetDeShaz - I've read enough of your work to know that you are certainly NOT dumb and uninteresting....and I promise that should we find ourselves in the same location I will not let you follow me around; but I will hold your hand and ask that you walk beside me.
Keld - regarding "playing tourist": Earlier that day I went to a nearby zoo...I love zoos. Botanical gardens too.
Falderal - "...you were but one whore in a brothel."
I love that line! That's an interesting perspective...one that I really hadn't considered in depth. I see now that you are correct. You put a smile on my face today, and for that I thank you, friend.
You mentioned that most dreaded word: "expectations". I ranted enough about that on another topic around here somewhere....expectations can be overpowering if you let them. I learned that lesson just in the nick of time.
at least I was the most expensive whore at the brothel! Edited by: manniac at: 7/26/03 5:50 pm
in keeping with myself
"It's not so much whether you're polite and nice and cheesy in social situations - it's how in or out of keeping that feels with who you are and how you feel at the time."
I like that. Sometimes you just get a gut reaction of being in the wrong place even though, on the surface, the social situation is proper. The gut feeling is probably tuning in to how I"m feeling inside and realizing that its not congruent with what the other people are feeling.
LIke I was in a 'business meeting', actually I was supervising a graphic designer's work to make sure the content was not flawed. ANyway, right off the bat I knew that he was looking at me the wrong way, and I wasn't comfortable with the situation. I thought I could handle it by just ignoring, playing dumb, and staying focused on the job at hand. I should have been more assertive. Learning things froms retrospect can be really annoying! But I guess its better than not learning at all.
manniac dharma explorer
Posts: 541
(7/30/03 7:13 pm) Reply
In keeping with Blisslessly
You could say that all learning is retrospective. You take a given action and wait to see if the outcome is positive or negative. If you remember the outcome you've learned something.
to learn or not to learn
hmmm, good point.
I'll definitely keep that in mind next time I find my self tempted to kick my ass in regret. Ah yes, I've had a few.
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