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Gaia Angel 
She who Dreams with Dolphins
Posts: 1020
(3/23/04 1:46 pm)
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Bouncing Back from heartbreak
Heart ache is responsible for as many wonderfull poems as it is suicides. Yet everyone has had their heart broken by a lover at least once. How do / did you cope?
(Pleading the 5th is fine )
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Valenstar 
Keeper of the games...Protector of Maidens and misfits (and all around Darlin ;))
Posts: 89
(3/23/04 3:36 pm)
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Re: Bouncing Back from heartbreak
You certainly do find the good questions dont you Gaia?
The greatest heartbreak I ever had through a lover was my ex-wife. I thought we were perfect together (thats why i proposed to her in the first place), then 4 years afer we were married I found out some things about her that she never told me before....
I think what caused her to say what she did was due to all the stress we were both under through family and nuisance neighbour trouble, but at the end of the day the truth is undefeatable isnt it.
I would rather not repeat what she said, but suffice to say it brought into question all the love and affection i had ever had for her and everything she'd ever said to me. To lie like she did undermined the whole bed of trust I assumed we had - and thats a big part of what successful relationships are based upon - i mean if you cant trust the person youre with they might as well be a stranger - you need the trust to know they arent going to sleep around, lie to you or in some cases beat up on you.
After that point I was crushed, I found myself just wanting to leave. When i did it was the hardest thing i ever did, but i couldnt stay with her when i couldnt trust her anymore.. But seeing her there as I walked out of my mother-in-law's door and into my friends car was the hardest thing ive ever done in my life.
it took me a long time to get over it all, and to be truthful some wounds never heal, especially ones based on a long term relationship. I had walked away from a part of myself, and it felt terrible.
I coped by doing the worst thing i could have done - i tried to fit in with others and had to submerge my individuality in order to lose my feelings in the mundane. I went out a lot more, got drunk, felt miserable drank more, woke up with hangovers and felt even worse. The worst part about all of it was the feeling of being alone, knowing you didnt have that person to be there with you.
Thankfully I got out of that self destructive spiral when I went to a little media company in durham in september 2002. that same month I was assaulted by one of the people i went drinking with and you could say it helped knocked the sense INTO me.
So i guess you could say i DIDNT cope very well....
Sorry if I bored the pants off too many people, but thanks for reading this far down the page. 
SHEEPLE
plural:sheepling
A person regarded as timid, weak, or submissive and easily swayed or led. Usually have the overall intelligence and wit of the ruminant but are disguised in a human or humanlike form
Edited by: Valenstar at: 3/23/04 3:37 pm
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Gr8Goddess 
Goddess Of Mothers... She of the loving hand
Posts: 196
(3/23/04 7:26 pm)
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Re: Bouncing Back from heartbreak
Aawww.....
I never was able to cope. Bounced from one boyfriend to the next....When I finally got tired of the crap, I just quit altogether. I don't go looking for dates and most of the time when I am hit on, I put them off nicely. I think I'm a commitment-phobe now...
TRUST IS JUST ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! To think that the one you love is betraying you in ANY WAY is the worst feeling you can have.
Do not meddle in the affairs
of cats, for they are subtle
and will piss on your computer.
Nor meddle in the affairs of
dragons, for you are crunchy
and taste good with ketchup.
We do not require you to believe. Just don't interfere |
Scoty girl
The Crystal Angel
Posts: 154
(3/23/04 9:00 pm)
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Re: Bouncing Back from heartbreak
Awwww....Valen, my heart is breaking for you. I can remember when I was young and relationships would end, and that hurt, and betrayal really hits you in the heart. When you are young, you just don't realize that this is life's little lessons. Now a days, I know my husband, and have been with him for many years, and have left him a couple of times too. The relationship was strong enough to hold up. But even if it had not, this time it was a different feeling. I did not feel that crushing hurt, as I had in the past. I was confident enough in myself, that I knew that I needed no-one!!
But when it comes to my daughter, I cannot stand to hear that sadness, it hurts me to the bone. But I have to remind her that these are the lessons in life. People will break your heart, or betray your trust. You have to remember, that it is not your fault. Lick your wounds, and learn the lesson, and remember to move on!! Life is to short, and you need to live each day to the fullest, and remember to love number one first and formost, because if you cannot love yourself first, you are not capable of loving anyone else.
 ........
~Believe in the light within you.~ |
Valenstar
Keeper of the games...Protector of Maidens and misfits (and all around Darlin ;))
Posts: 90
(3/23/04 10:15 pm)
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Re: Bouncing Back from heartbreak
Quote:
TRUST IS JUST ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! To think that the one you love is betraying you in ANY WAY is the worst feeling you can have.
Thats exactly it 'manda. Thanks hon for pointing it out a bit better than i did 
Quote:
Life is to short, and you need to live each day to the fullest, and remember to love number one first and formost, because if you cannot love yourself first, you are not capable of loving anyone else.
Thats also very true. luckily now I do, ive realised what ive been doing wrong for so VERY long....
SHEEPLE
plural:sheepling
A person regarded as timid, weak, or submissive and easily swayed or led. Usually have the overall intelligence and wit of the ruminant but are disguised in a human or humanlike form
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Astara1 
The Golden Angel and Protector of the shadows
Posts: 186
(3/24/04 12:28 pm)
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Re: Bouncing Back from heartbreak
Broken trust...the hardest thing to come to terms with, when your mate is supposed to be your best and closest friend..and then drags you through the dirt...
It's so much easier when kids aren't involved(eventually)..you can make a clean break....but when you have to see and talk to the one that hurt you....and they have no remorse for anything they have done or said, and blame it all on you...
I could go on and on..
I am bouncing back I guess...but there is that occaissonal wayward bounce....
~Dreams are your own unique source of guidance and healing~
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shadeaux63
Keeper of the Stars
Posts: 428
(3/24/04 1:56 pm)
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Re: Bouncing Back from heartbreak
I never coped with a broken heart very well either,I'm afraid.I was either far too trusting when I shouldn't have been,or far too skeptical when I should have trusted.I won't bore you with details(it would take years to go through some of the messes I've been through),but the major lesson was TRUST.If there's no trust,there's no love,period.I went through a lot of beer,drugs,hangovers,and regrets figuring that one out.
It's too bad that hind-sight is 20/20.I often think of what would have happened if I had the sense,and self-respect then that I do now.I still don't know that I could have handled some of it any better than I did,though.
There was one in particular that tore me up.I thought this guy was the love of my life.We had gone to school together,and made fun of each other daily at school.Well, we ran into each other several years later,and discovered there was a definite spark.I admitted to him that I had had a major crush on him in school,and he told me the same thing.We became inseperable.if we weren't together,we were on the phone.We talked about our hopes and dreams,and what we wanted out of life.We were so honest with each other that he wasn't afraid to cry in front of me.
Then,one day,he didnt call.Nor did he call the next day,or the day after that.I tried to call his house,but he wasn't there.One week became two,and I still hadnt heard from him,but I just couldn't believe that he would dump me,after all,we LOVED each other so much.I gave his number to one of my friends and had her call his house to see if she could reach him.He was there.She told him she was a friend of mine,and she was worried about me because since he hadn't come around,I wasn't eating,or sleeping,and seemed depressed.
That afternoon there was a knock at my door,and when I opened it he was standing there,looking very sheepish.He came in and sat down,took my hand and told me that he quit coming around and calling because he was afraid of commitment.He said he didnt know how to talk to me about it,so he just fell off the face of the Earth.He figured I would get angry,and just get on with my life.It never occurred to him that I would get depressed over him.So,what did I do?Like an idiot,I begged him to come back to me.I cried,and pleaded and actually got on my knees,and BEGGED him to give it another chance,we could take it slower,we could do whatever we had to do.I was a total,blithering,slobbering idiot.
Of course,I never saw him again,and I spent probably the next month or so getting drunk as often as possible,and popping whatever pills I could get my slimy little paws on.
It was a long time after that before I was even vaguely willing to allow anyone to get close to me.I wasn't about to get my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on that way again.
And my ex is a whole nother sci-fi novel,but suffice it to say,I'm so glad I met my hubby when I did.Just knowing I was actually able to find someone who is so much like me,and has so much unconditional love for me,has healed all the scars I allowed myself to get when I was younger and didn't know how to live,or love,the way I should have.
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