Emotional balance and dealing with depression

Children Of the Earth and Sky > Classroom > Emotional balance and dealing with depression

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starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 411 (5/10/04 4:31 pm) Reply	Emotional balance and dealing with depression As Laurie asked this one I thought my series on the ways of the self.... would be appropriate here as most emotional difficulties and depressions stem from the self out of balance that said here they are may they serve you well STarwind Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 412 (5/10/04 4:38 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression The Quest For The Self Self Enlightenment on the Pagan Path The Rune of Ra"dio is the Rune of the Journey ... In this Case the Journey towards the Self.. On the Ocean of your own Mind One would think that since the Self is always with us ... This would be an easy trip Not so, as any seeker of the true Self has found out What is the "True" Self ? Does this mean there is a false Self ? How does one find this Self ? AT The Oceans End The True Self As to what makes for the true Self ... this is the Self that is left when you stop lying to yourself about who and what you are Yes I said lie ... but not so deliberately ... but its a lie none the less Only Man lies, and he lies mostly to himself ... and most often about himself and often does not even know it When he lies to others this is regrettable but commonplace It is when he lies to himself... about himself, that trouble begins Ask your average person "Why did you do/feel that way ? "and you will get a because but NOT an explanation .. of the real reason A little history of me of when the questioning of the Self and my thoughts on what to do about it, began I used to be horribly afraid of anything over my head, as in boxed in .. Yet today I was crawling around under the deck without a care in the world other than to make sure I didn't poke myself with the nails coming through it... or get too much dirt in my eyes Time was however you could not have gotten me under there . which was the thought that ran through my head while I was under there ) unless my life depended on it. and maybe not even then Anytime I used to try and do such things ...It felt like there was no air and I would suffocate .. which is foolish, but this was my reaction Years ago however, I decided it was ridiculous to have such a reaction What if I got into a trapped situation like that and keeping a cool head would make the difference between life and Death ? ( which did indeed happen to me some 7 years later.. FYI ) but anyway..Onward So I took the feeling on and lo and behold .. found its source... realized what foolishness it was , and other than a tiny bit of trepidation when I have to look up at something Im lying under .. causes me no further problems MY own mind gave me the clue about me and why I had this problem What I found in my memories was a time in childhood when someone had trapped me in a box and wouldn't let me out.. it got hot and stuffy and at toddler size ..I was terrified Which gave me ,what would have been, life long claustrophobia This came to a head when I had to have a Cat scan done. The old machines for this test were like an atom smasher... two large steel objects with you in the middle like the stuffing in an Oreo cookie When they brought the top down to my nose I freaked...! ! ! ! They had to sedate me to do the test at all So what has this got to do with the quest for the true Self ? Lots How does one find this Self ? "Know thyself" were the words carved over the doorway at the entry to the Oracle at Delphi so its said .. and the words hold true whether they were there or not And regarding the above issue, I didn't .. I had just accepted that I could not deal with small tight places .. period.. like this was normal Up to that point I had never questioned it .. it just was ! Until that moment ... When I chose to take control of myself This was also the time when I was starting to question my thoughts on the Path .. this started a snowball rolling downhill that is still gathering a few snowflakes from time to time And most likely will till the day I breathe my last My personal Quest for the real me, started with a terrified woman groggy from the sedation .. thanking the Doctor for telling me the results of the Hell I just when through ... were good ... who had decided that the feeling of AHHHHH had to go !@ But once I challenged that .. I started to challenge it all At this same time I was also reading a very good , hack into your own head book , which I highly recommend ( see link at page bottom ) so between them all .. Medical, self help and the Path .. I started my Quest to find out what my true "Self" looked like I was Amazed ! At all the unmitigated Crap I had floating around in there that I allowed to dictate my actions , on almost a daily basis The False Self The more I started digging and questioning, the more I found that wasn't real ... that hadno basis in fact, that made no sense .. they were mental shortcuts .. habits ... things grafted on that I had never even asked where they came from .. prejudices .. and lots of pre-conceptions based on absolute balderdash ! Now did this happen overnight ? In a Word Hellno ! This took a dedication of years .. Meditation ... repeated journeys into the mind the heart and the soul .. but the basics where done in a matter of months and the process continues ... The primary "how to" is the willingness to challenge the self To monitor the self, and ask yourself questions Every time I would do/think something I would ask myself the same ??? "Why did you just do that ?" And if I couldn't give myself an answer that made sense I.E.: something better than .. because .. then it went on the list of things I had to hunt down the reason why .. and once found ... I Kept only , if the reason I found made sense .. This is not easy I wont lie to you .. It's hard to give up your own preconceptions about things . the mental challenge to take yourself on for size is a bit daunting ... but if you want to walk the walk and not just talk the talk then it is absolutely vital that you do The Way of the Witch is a Path of such challenges to the Self done for just about everything .. as each thing must be weighed on its own merits .. there is no place for mental shortcuts ... that are not based on real feelings and experiences .. And even they are suspect It's not enough to do as your parents did just because they did so.. or your teacher .. or your mentor .. No matter who or what is the authority who gave you your information .. it has to be challenged too .. tested . poked ... prodded and generally shaken to see if it holds up as valid .. then if it does.. then you can keep it and use it as it makes sense to use it .. as it works.. for You .... You know that you have learned the way of Self knowledge, that you have met the Real YOU .. when no matter what is asked by yourself or others you have a ready answer that is a REAL answer .. the real reason why you do/think/feel anything at all... It is a process that you will do for the rest of your life ........ Friends of Mine have Learned Never ask me what I think unless They really wanna know ! Cuz I will tell them .. in detail ! ( Like you couldn't tell the way I run off at the mouth he he he May your Journey to the Inner sanctum of the Self be Blessed with fewer land mines than I tripped over Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 413 (5/10/04 4:44 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression In times of Plenty or in times of Drought Despite all Odds The Rock Remains Ok true, ... To which you might say So what ? This is what * Permanence ... the things that last ... I mean look ... in the middle of a stream clinging to the rock plants are growing... rushing water all around .. just waiting to tear it off of there.. yet.. there it is.. * Persistence .. even in the face of adversity ... This simple rock with its moss, in rain fall and Drought is a perfect example of a Way of living ... Life * What do I mean by this..? Simple .. we spend a great deal of our lives not living but surviving .. the Body lives .. out of habit .. but there is no purpose to it .. no Joy .. no reason * We stumble from Crisis to Crisis, tumbled about by the Waters of Life .. Mostly bitterly complaining about it all in the process * Some would say.. Well isn't it enough that I Live.. ? Ya want more ? * I don't know about you.. but I sure do.. too many of the years of my life were spent .. just surviving.. and I am not talking about finances As I'm still doing that... just eking by ... no this is about Life and how one lives it * And Living Large .. despite adversity and challenge Despite enough burdens to Crush a Rock to dust Each day I get up and can Move is large enough some days * So what on Earth is this fool woman nattering on about ? Rocks, plants, rain .. Dust .. what.. ??? We are like the rock with its Moss .. growing .. in the middle of a fast torrent .. that would just as soon wipe us off the planet as look at us ... but yet the Rock .. the permanent part is always there ... the Moss comes and goes .. .. but the rock is always the same .. Our Self Image is the Rock Are we living Large enough to withstand the torrent..? Or are we such small pebbles of dislike for ourselves that the first good rush means we are going off to never never land ? * Can the Rock Within .. the image of the Self hold up to whatever the World dishes out ? * Not sure about the answer to that.. ? Then take a Ride downstream .. with rapids and find out Ya Ready...? Then lets go !!! .. Check this list and see how the Rock of the Self holds up ? .. #1 Are you your real Self .. ? If your a round rock trying to fit into a square hole in the bed your gonna get tumbled downstream pronto If you are not YOU ... who are YOU ? Where is the real Self ? #2 Have you stopped giving a damn what others think ? If you are trying to forever reshape the inner core of the self to someone else's opinion .. besides your own .. your damned before ya even get started.. as no matter how much you change the very next person to come along will have yet Other ideas.. Ya cant Please everybody... So please yourself instead.. This does not mean make a selfish unmitigated Putz of yourself It means .. have a Good opinion of yourself .. and you wont need or care about anyone else's.. your a good person.. you know it.. that's enough #3 Do you Like the person you see in the Mirror.. ? If you cant live with you.. how can anyone else..? Don't like the person you see ? That means you have work to do on you .. get on it and change things until you like who you see #4 Have you Given up Guilt ? Feeling it or inflicting it.. Guilt is sentiment without purpose If you are carrying around Guilt then do something make amends.. say your Sorry and get over yourself.. Someone's wronged you...? Forgive them and get over it or you waste your life in recriminations .. and never grow Up.. Out.. Strong.. you stay forever Weak .. as long as you are not big enough to forgive .. #5 Do you Take Responsibility for your own Actions and Choices ? Never let the words pass your lips that "I am this way because of what so and so did to me !" BuZZ.. Wrong answer ! You are what you are .. because you choose to be and you choose to try to make them responsible Not only that .. for as long as you try to make them responsible you allow it to hurt you over and over again As your hanging ON to the one thing you should let go of.. pain You and You alone make the choice how to act, think and behave in life.. I don't care who did what or when .. there comes a time when a grown person has to say.. Enough ! Its my Life, I will live it My way and no past pain is gonna dictate to me how to do it Own it ! You are how you are , because you choose to be no one is responsible for your actions .. but you # 6 Do you think .. before you act ? To often we lose our place and position in life simply because we didn't think the matter through before we took action or said or did ... more harm is done to the Self by Carelessness than by intent The Sword of the Mind must be sharp to be used well #7 Can you stand above the water or will Life drown you the moment it rains a little ? Have you developed enough skills and strengths so that when the Water starts pouring down and the level of the stream rises to keep your head above it all ... ? If not then learn .. ask questions and Learn some more.. Every time the water washes over you .. is a sign ya missed something... there was a point you didn't see to stand on .. this takes work and it means working at it All the time .. Once anit gonna get it.. or Next time perhaps .. Splash ... Bye Bye Rock Watch out for the Waterfall the Drops a dilly ! # 8 Is there a good foundation under you Of common sense and reason ? Do you question your feelings, your motives, your intentions often and well ? If not.. if you act blindly without understanding yourself you are a Rock who Might look like its stuck tight , but is sitting in an air pocket Ever step on one of these crossing a stream ?... It anit pretty .. as it looks solid .. till ya step on it and it rolls over and it dumps you on your butt ..... painfully # 9 When you are faced with tough times Do you stand firm and Deal with it or hide ? When the stream has dried up and you have nothing left and the Sun of hard times is beating down on your head what do you do ? Scream, Cry and curse Fate or Accept the fact that life ebbs and flows and the Water will come back .. and be still , do what you can and wait for it with some grace ? Last One # 10 When all the forces of Life are doing their best to toss you around do you still like you enough to like Life ? We have all had days when we are so tired of getting bashed about that we think about picking ourselves up and tossing ourselves over the Waterfall .. on purpose .. After all we have lived through and all that we have put up with To Surrender to the force and give up .. Maybe we have a few nicks bashed out, maybe we have lost our Moss too often and don't wanna bother with gathering anymore .. This is the time when ALL of the Above is important but The Most important of all A reason to live .. a reason to Be strong .. A reason to be Love Love is the best reason of all.. We love First of all.. Us .. We Love Us enough to let nothing stop us Not even ourselves Then We are able to Love the Moss of company on the road of life .. To love the Great Maker of all things .. We can then Love all of it .. This is why we stay...... This is worth being strong for .. This is worth sticking around for Love is the only Real permanent thing going Its the Water that caresses us Its the Moss that covers us Its the soft sand we stand on Its the Knowledge of all the other Rocks in the same bed as we It is the Pebbles that become Strong Rocks of our children But The Rock of the Self Image.. Is Love for the Self which allows us to have love for the World .. for all that is within it Be it Rain or Drought We can be All we Imagine Ourselves to be If we are willing to Be a Good , Firm Rock .. Who cares enough for Us .. Enough to Love Blessing on All the Rocks in the Stream For a very good resource on this subject of self image Not to mention much more Softly spoken than I Please find a copy of Self fulfillment by Maxwell Maltz MD Companion book to Psycho Cybernetics Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 414 (5/10/04 4:49 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression Into the Maelstrom ? Or just a Dark corner in inner space ? ....Corners of the Mind.... One of the big things on the Pagan Path is honesty ... and that honesty must start with the self .. knowing yourself in its entirety ... even the Ugly parts This is a more detailed "how to" on issues I have discussed before on other pages .. See companion works We all have our places and spaces that we tend to avoid It's part of of the human condition .. but the dark spaces in the mind like any dark corner tends to gather dirt, cobwebs and maybe even a critter or two........ that bite ! And every time we get bitten by our own psyche we tend to avoid that corner even more.. starting a round robbin that has no end .. unless we give it a way to end ! So what to do about cleaning out the corners ? And why do ya Want to ? Last shall be first the old saying goes... so on to the "Why would you even WANT to delve into the dark corners " They don't hurt anymore... right ? Ha ha .. that's what it Wants you to think ! meanwhile its up there in the tower having itself a grand ole time .. messing with all the other mind functions where ever, and when ever possible .. and its sneaky about it to boot .. to where , unless you are looking for it ... you will never even see it happening .. until one day you realize that you are not you anymore... you have become someone you don't know..and often don't like and wonder how in hell ya got that way ..? The gremlin in the closet is the why .. busily screwing up whatever chance you otherwise might have had at happiness Now , does this mean your bound for a Head Shrinker... ? If you have a whole gang up there with jackhammers chipping away at your very sanity ?.... The couch trip with a devote of Sigmund Freud might be very wise ..... there's no shame to that... But for most of us .. its more a matter of figuring out what's effecting, our otherwise rational thought .. You need to make peace with whatever it is Or you will Have NO peace So on to part two .... how to do that ? Lights .. Camera .. Action Lights Means just what it says.... shed some light on that dark room up there ... and see what's really there... as too often we image it, to be worse than it really is ...we think of it as quick, nasty and hateful to us... but... here's the part to remember .. IT IS US... All you really see there is a misshapen form .... of you ... there is nothing going on up there that's not you... every thought you have good , bad or indifferent .. is all you so what is to fear... its like a shorted out wire... do you toss the whole thing ? NO It means replace the faulty wire and your back in biz... the same thing goes here understanding that you are in control here .. as it IS you, who has these thoughts, old burdens and pains... things left festering in dark places that need cleansing Sometimes however, that takes a lance .. Anyone whose every had an infected anything that had to be lanced to heal ( which means take a blade to it and cut it open to allow it to clean itself out ) understands this concept .... if you would do such a thing for an infected finger or boil.. why not the mind ... make a space ... a door for the nasty thoughts to leave ... We tend not to do this very often... as to do it means we have to admit we have such thoughts in the first place ! None of us really wants to admit that we hurt or have been hurt we tend to suppress our righteous wrath .. which is often unacceptable, even to ourselves and swallow the hurt...... which is the worst thing we can do For Example: If you are hurt by a loved one... how you feel about everything they do changes if you don't track down , and get rid of the hurt I had a mate once cheat on our relationship .. for which I forgave him or thought I did .. but .. I never dealt with the hurt he dealt me ... and it poisoned our whole relationship all of a sudden anything he did, that was even the tinniest bit outa line ,was unacceptable .. now I am a fairly tolerate person .... I can let a lot slide ....but after that .. Nothing he did, that wasn't perfect ,would I let by ...One day he asked me point blank " What gives with you ?... all of sudden nothing I do is right anymore " Nothing he did was right, because I still hurt over what he had done and the hurt grew to effect all my thinking So .. how did I get rid of this thought...? Well first I had to find it To find it ... is a meditative process but a little more active.. because you are hunting for things that go " OWWW " when you poke them.. kinda like when you have had a tooth pulled and you keep sticking your tongue over there to see if it still hurts .. things that make you go GRRRRRRRR ..! Like when I thought of my cheating husband... I had "forgiven" but not forgotten .. as the thought still pissed me off, every time I said it .. so it had to go ! I had to really and truly forgive him.. no strings .. no hold outs Once I did .. that room no longer held pain and anger .. it held only an old memory as it should So that's what you do.. plain and simple name off the hurts ... one by one all of them and the ones that still make you go Gurrr... or Cry are the ones you Need to pay attention to and deal with ... as they are the ones that are effecting how you think and behave .. especially towards the person who made you hurt/angery Left alone .. these thoughts become Nasty , overgrown monsters just waiting for a reason to come out and rain all over someone .. and it not always even the someone who caused the pain to start with .. Ever have this experience..? Have a rotten marriage.. divorce .. then start dating or remarry and Goddess forbid the current someone .. does anything even REMOTELY like the EX did .. because if they do.. all hells gonna break loose ..all over them ? Find the thought and really forgive the person who caused the pain and the pain will leave Camera Take a good picture of it as its leaving... so if it ever sneaks back in......you will know it for what it is and tell it the eviction notice is still in force and to GET OUT ...! Action Once you have accepted there are problems.. Identified those problems ..now its deal with the problems.. this is part we often don't really do ... we tend to sweep such things under our mental rug and since we don't see them anymore... in the forebrain .. we figure they are gone.... hehehehehehh they are not ! Until and unless you force the subject out And you do that very simply really .. by making a choice " I choose to live life .. without some hidden dark thing ... running my life .. I forgive those who have hurt me and forgive myself for thinking ill of them ,for the pain they gave me" This stops the hurt ..serves the Monster in the closet with an evict notice ...and frees up your relationship with others ... yourself and the world at large As you no longer have rooms full of Big Ugly Nasty Hairy things .. with teeth battering down the doors in your mind .. seeking someone upon whom to reek vengeance There is nothing there but nice orderly rooms .. each with a memory .. some good .. some bad .. some sad, but none of them outa hand and disturbing your serenity with life May your house keeping be spotless and all your Gremlins .. tame Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 415 (5/10/04 4:55 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression The Day of Our Lives Or how to hold on to sweet sanity between here and there The time between Dawn and Dusk is the Day of our life How do we spend that day .. and How do we feel about us at the End of it.. ? Hopefully we can look back.. in Pride On the Pagan Path we are expected to be a cut above the average.. but does this mean we are Superman ? We May be the Goddess on Earth But even A Goddess can have a bad hair day Just ask the Greeks hehehehe.. As some days it Storms So some Practical things for living in a very real and sometimes frustrating world We all have things about ourselves we are not Proud of ... these are the things where we need to improve the self to where when the Sunset time comes We can look back on our life and BE Proud of it Is this an Easy task..? No... it can be very hard to do Why ? Because we are human .. we have bad hair days We lose our temper and our patience ... We have days when even those we love best irritate us most and we lash out in Anger and frustration We are Human .. We are not Saints Does this mean its unavoidable..? NO It means its part of the Human condition .. that without deliberate Self control .. under ALL conditions these things happen .. Ever Notice how its easy to deal with the day to day stresses and strains.. when we feel good..? But let us have a bad day... when we hurt .. or too tired or frustrated with anything.. ( and Goddess forbid do all of the above at once..! )and the same things that yesterday were nothing .. today have us lashing out at others Like a wounded Wolf whose been cornered Its said " Never get too tired, too hungry or too lonely " Any two of the three we can handle .. its when all three happen that there is A BIG PROBLEM in your life Now I know there are those who feel that we are somehow supposed to be Saintly critters who never lose our cool that we should learn to be stoic in the face of adversity And to a point.. yes.. but to the level of just letting the world do whatever it wants .. while we just take it and slowly go bonkers.. ? I don't think so............ This is not the way of the Spiritual Warrior its more kin to a Doormat To quote a very good friend of mine who once said to me when I complained to him of all the users in my life in my youth " If your gonna be a doormat at least get up and shake the dirt off once in while ! " ( thanks Tennessee ) So .. what's to do about it ? The three Rs and no not Reading, Righting and Ritmatic Reduce .... Retire ... Re think ... Reduce Identify and Reduce or Eliminate Stressors This is a challenge ... as very often we don't even know what's making us ansty We just know that we are Identifying what makes you stressed is a matter of constant Self Observation Knowing the Self enough to note when there's a change in Mood or temperament .. and note what came before it Like a major stressor in modern life Noise .. any noise TV too loud .. Kids making a fuss .. the neighbors radio .. and so on You think you are ignoring it .. but are you ? You hear it .. and are effected by it .. its Chi or energy is all around you .. you cant help but be effected in some way The Feng Shui all around us does effect us People Especially Family You tell yourself, these are your loved ones they cant be the reason Im stressed ! .. Wanna bet..! They are one of the major reasons. Why ? Because we care about them more.. strangers don't bother us nearly as much The list of annoyances goes on and on...down to the physical if we hurt .. we are a 100 times more likely to lose our cool than if we feel well... So how to Reduce all that to a manageable level ? Noise is an easy one.. mask it, with your own.. pick sounds that soothe and calm and play them to block out the noise that irritates Turn down the TV .. Teach the kids to make less noise and Tell your neighbor to keep his noise in his own yard Loved ones... take a break from them.. and their issues If children .. get them outa your hair for a few moments a day at least ...Adults.. if its your house.. show em the door if they are bugging you.. If its their house.. go home .. your relationship with them will be better for it Co workers, Bosses ...? Keep them in the perspective they belong you work with them.. its a temporary state of affairs .. not your life Pain .. Id Its source and eliminate or reduce it as much as possible and Id in yourself those times when Its the reason you just Became the Wicked Witch of the West You can think of a million others once you Id what makes you pop Retire When to say Asta .. Later dudes.. and get the hell outa Dodge even if its just to the next room .. there is nothing wrong with a timely withdrawal when you see the situation can not be helped by your actions, and your just asking for it.. walk away ..go do something else somewhere else.. if at all possible.. If not retreat in the mind to where you no longer notice the irritant.. not mask or ignore literally DO NOT see it .. the Eight Fold Gate of the Mind as is said in the Orient.. they have become masters at this.. living in each others hip pockets as they have for 100s of years.. without Killing each other off to the point of extinction This is also the one where if need be, you flat out give up on the situation ... you quit the job, you toss the mate, you hang up the phone, you give the responsibility for the task to another.. and so on... there comes a time when this is the only sensible answer to an issue .. Know when to hold em and Know when to fold em .. as a popular song of my youth said There is no shame in this.. if you KNOW for certain you are not the best person for the task .. why are you trying to do it ? This is an exercise in pain and frustration Can't give it over you say..? Then you need to figure out a way so you can let go .. because If you have given all and there's nothing left to give.. and you try to do more all you learn and accomplish is resentment of the very people your trying to help " If you sacrifice yourself to others you end up hating those for whom you have sacrificed " If there is No good purpose to be served .. why beat yourself up, trying to do something just for the sake of doing something ... ? There comes a point when persistence becomes not only pointless but counterproductive " If at first you don't succeed try try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it " RE think This ones the best stress buster of all Did the Clerk at the store really mean to say the rude thing he said or was he just voicing his thoughts .. without thinking about how rude he sounded..? And would taking him to task for it really help ? Are the Kids really Evil little brats who are trying to make you wish you never had them ...? Or are the just being normal kids and its YOU who are having the bad day ? Is your mate really that irritating ? Or do you just think so because YOU feel bad about yourself..? Now the Clerk could be a rude SOB who needs a good kick in the pants .. the kids might need some mega discipline as they are being obnoxious .. and the Mate may be as irritating as they seem.. But First Reality Check Before you open a can of Woo pass and go to town with it If you find .. its you.. let it go If its them.. deal with it.. but try not to be angry about it ( I know HARD ONE believe me I know.. Queen of RAGE here ) And ask yourself this.. in a 100 years will it matter ? you would be surprised how much this one can bring something down to size to where we can get a handle on it again All of the Above require that we stop.. think and reflect just a little before we do.. Do we do this... ? Not most of the time.. we are so caught up in the rush of day to day life and the stress that we just react and keep reacting .. most often in frustration and pain .. And cause more in the process.. against those whom we lash out at Time .. time and practice over and over to break the habits of a life time ..habits we learned as children .. That if i Yell loud enough the problem will resolve itself .. Don't think so..? Watch a Baby.. We carry this over into Adult hood almost to a man Does this mean we are a bunch of screaming savages who have no control of ourselves ? No It means what I said to begin with.. we are human and humans are complex creatures So complex that we have to figure out what to do in any given situation .. Even how to handle the stress of day to day life ... I hope this little missive gives you a leg up to a calmer World .. and a life you can look back on and Smile for most of it Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 416 (5/10/04 5:07 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression The Way of Love and Compassion Vs The Way of Self degradation The Choices we make in day to day life The way of Self discipline on the Pagan Path A STORY OF TWO WOLVES An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." { Author Unknown } This wonderful story is an excellent example of how we make choices in life.... which part of the self do we choose to foster ? On the Pagan paths... one is expected to create for themselves and the world at large the way of peace, love and compassion It stands to reason we cannot do this if we are focused solely on ourselves...which is what the first wolf is... the way of concentrating all your thoughts on you.. what you want,what your problems are...... etc.. Every time we give in to self pity, pain, greed and the stoking of our own Egos.. we feed the wolf of misery .. and he grows stronger each time we do...Like wise if we foster strength, giving and humility... this part of us grows stronger with time Now the first one is easy to feed... all you have to do is get up some mornings...! Ever wake up in a bad mood...? And it just seems to set the tone for the whole day.. the next thing you know.. you had a fight with the mate.. yelled at the kids.. cuss and gripe about this and that... burned supper... and generally feel like curd to boot..which also tees us off... sound familiar.. ? Its easy to do this isn't it ? Goddess knows the world hands us enough on any average tuesday... to piss off the good humor man BUT Is this sensible..? NO... what is needed here is self discipline The way of stopping our own hand from feeding the angry wolf inside us.....who will tear the meat from our hands.... given any opportunity... The compassionate one.. is gentle... not demanding..and him we must learn to know....the fight to live and survive in the world is inbred into us.. and it tells us to do just that.... fight.. for every inch of the way... I don't know about you.. but sounds like a very tiring way to live It was said once that life is " Nasty, brutish and short" well.....lived the way of the bad wolf I don't doubt the speaker was right.... Now does this mean we are supposed to just roll over and let life run over us anytime it likes..? NO It means.. even when we must stand up for our rights .. to do so with compassion and understanding.. the other guy may not be trying to make our lives miserable...there are many reasons for what we consider misfortune are not malicious... they are just things that are So how to learn to be self disciplined enough to feed the wolf of love and grace..? One: Love..... really love yourself.. others.. even the ones that tick you off.. even they need love.. easy.....? No.. a lot of em we would much rather give a kick in the teeth.. but this would hurt you more... Two: Pay attention.. self monitoring... when you feel the evil wolf stirring up inside you... stop... think... do you really want to feel that way..? Do you really want to be angry and sad..? .. Of course not.. but if you don't stop yourself from letting the evil one up and out to take over your actions..... you will feel just that way.. You are in control of how you react to things.... don't be a slave to the bad wolfs prompting.... he does not have your best interest at heart... Three: Feed the good wolf.. often.. make him fat and strong..you do this by doing the acts of love.. compassion... giving.. until it becomes habit to do so.... stop and think when you are wronged.. did the other guy really mean that.....? Or are they just having a bad hair day...? practice makes perfect so its said.. So practice the ways of love and grace in all that you do.....this does not come easily... I wont lie to you.. we are used to fighting...to rage...but we are the ones who pay most for such actions as we damage ourselves as much or more than any we rage against Four: Delay... if you just have to scream, shout and break things.. delay it... make yourself wait for it... then have at it.. when its just you... I used to keep a box of old dishes at my back door.. when I had it with the world.. I would go out back with the box and merrily break plates and bowls etc.. till I felt better..then go back and deal with whatever it was... it works.... This beat the heck outa what I used to do.. which was break heads, windows and kick down doors.. I was not a good person to cross in my youth.. So I know all about letting the raging wolf have free reign ...major depressions.. the works... Five: See.... practice the art of opening your eyes... see the situation in its entity.. its reality ..too often what we rail against is not really there... did the mate really say something hurtful....? or just didn't think about how that was gonna sound before they said it.... weigh all of it before you make judgment on it...look at the circumstance that's making you rage and see if perhaps it needs to be this way.. For someone besides you... we tend to look at things in life from our on advantage... we must learn to consider the needs of others ..even in things that effect us directly.. And lastly Be good to yourself... of all the compassion and love you can share.....try a little tenderness with you......forgive the times you lost it and give up guilt...feel you ARE worthy... as you are....no matter what you did yesterday... or how bad you feel it got I don't care if yesterday you where the terror of the neighborhood... this does not mean you have to stay that way... Today is a new day and you are still breathing......so it means you have a chance to make changes....so show compassion for you...let go of the pain... let go the guilt... and let yourself be the person you want to be... free of past.. as you can do nothing to change what was...only what will be... which wolf do you want walking beside you on that journey..? The Choice is yours Blessings and may all your travels be merry and in good company Esta Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 417 (5/10/04 5:12 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression Shadows on the Moon The Meaning of Loss in our Lives In our lives we have to Cope with all kinds of losses .. From our first tooth .. to our first love And it changes us .... for good .. or Ill I came across this letter, in an old stack of saved files while cleaning out the file cabinet and it made me reconsider a few things.. yet again I'd like to share it with you now its a little longish but well worth the read and then we will talk about it... " Hello ..please allow me to introduce myself, my name is .. Loss. I travel throughout the universe with a very specific job description. I have several friends that either travel with me or on their own. their names are Pain, Suffering, Grief, Disappointment, Unfairness and Depression. I wanted all of you to understand the role that we play . We are all part of .. the cycle of life. We do not select our visitees because they are more deserving of heart-ache than others. Our Job is not to punish. It is just to carry out what is to be. You have not been singled out to be hurt or punished even though I know you may have felt that way. It is just a matter of placement, timing, chance and influence. You see we first started visiting you, when you were first born . The first time you experience me is when you are taken from the womb of your mother. The very first loss of your life .. is here.* I am the one who visited you when you lost .. your first tooth. I was also there when you lost .. your first race. I was the one who visited you the first time .. you had your heart broken, lost love You see I have been a part of your life .. since the minute you were born. Sometimes my damage was easy to recover from.. sometimes it wasn't. I noticed when it was difficult for you, but I could not intervene, I knew that you were in the middle of a molding process you see. You are the person you are today because I visited you. Some of you have handled me easier than others, but all of you have grown as a result of my visits. There are so many people out there, who have been touched by your experiences. Your influence is far more reaching than just to yourself or family. There have been lives changed forever that you will never even know about, because of my visits to you. ... You see ... It was not just you that needed molding but others as well. And you were the instrument. I just wanted to take the time to thank you, for helping to mold the Universe. Sincerely Loss " Sent to me/written ? by Chris and Debbie Wilsonwith slight revision by me Now does that make you think or what? I know it did me.. on a variety of levels .. Then and Now Understanding .. again that Gain can be disguised as Loss .. We hang on .. when we should accept the loss and let go, and thereby allow bigger and better things to flow in to our lives the lesson of the River that becomes the Ocean To be reminded ... that no matter how painful a situation is .. there is always room for creation amid the ashes of destruction.. sometimes the ONLY way to build is to first tear down .. the lesson of the Phoenix rising from the Ashes Its when we pull our head up .. and stop crying that we can really look at what just happened, and learn from it .. becoming stronger in the process .. What don't kill us makes us stronger So its said Like the process of making a fine blade, its heated, folded , spindled, mutilated , beat on, taken from flame to ice water, and pummeled about until its ready to collapse .. then its fit to use To make a blade like a Samurai sword, the steel is folded over 200 times ! They were and are the finest blades ever made .. Tempering its called ... all the slings and arrows of ill fate ..are a tempering process .. I mean think about it.. how much would we really grow if everything was happy happy all the time ? Not to mention the fact .. that the first time it did hit the fan ..we would fall apart.. watched this one happen to someone very dear to me.. She always made good grades in high school .. no challenge... B's and A's etc. .. Hit College and boom .... fell flat on her face Flunked out of several of her classes the first semester .. why doesn't matter What does matter is the fact She never really has gotten over that yet.. She didn't know HOW to fail, didn't know how to cope .. as she had no experience with it .. on that level anyway.... it rattled her big time .. Her confidence in herself took a dive its never really recovered from ... She did not accept that this simply meant, for the first time in her life she failed a class.. to her it meant .. I am a failure ! Word of note here..You make mistakes It does NOT mean YOU are a mistake! Now ...Does this mean we should enjoy it when Life turns to muckon us.. ? Of Course NOT Unless your Masochistic .. ! But it does mean, we must take these setbacks and Losses and Learn the "lessons of adversity" as the Rune/Constraint would say, as that is the point here There is also this .... If we lose at anything .. it means that we were Trying to do something Its a Hell of a lot better to attempt to do something and fail ..than sit about .. doing nothing for fear of failure .. as we fail in the worst way possible .. As we fail to live Or this.. which I have said before.. How can one presume to advise another . if you Haven't " been there done that" and that includes screwing up, even if its not the way they just did I Mean.... Why should they listen to you ?.. If you don't know what it really means to stand in their shoes ? So How to Cope .. ? Acceptance of responsibility ..A real biggie on the Pagan paths ... if life just jumped up and bit you in the butt .. Ask yourself.. did I lay myself open for that ? If the answer is yes..you have some growing and learning to do.. So that does not happen again If its just an act of Fate that just grabbed your heart and mangled it.. then weep .. take time to sorrow .. then get over yourself ! Sounds harsh don't it ? Its not .. what is more harsh to tell someone to chin up and get over it .. ? Or watch them hash and re hash their pain and loss for the rest of their days ? That's not something I would wish on my worst enemy .. much less someone I cared about.. and that includes myself ! So .. Accept ... Learn and get on with it is how one copes with any loss .. Anything less and your missing the whole point of the lesson May the Visits of Loss and his companions be few and your burdens no heavier than your will can bear And may you always have a friendly Ear to tell it to or shoulder to Cry on when you need one Blessings to One and All Esta Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 418 (5/10/04 5:16 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression There once was a king who offered a great reward for the best painting of peace. Many artists submitted beautiful works. At last the king narrowed his choice to two paintings. One was a picture of a calm lake, mirroring the tall mountains that surrounded it. Above the mountains, a single whisp of a cloud floated in the sky. The other picture was of an angry storm pouring torrential rain into a tumultuous river. Mountain crags were illuminated by angry flashes of light that burst across the canvas. However, the king saw only the mother bird, nesting in a crevice of a rock, protected from the elements by an overhanging pine branch. "This," said the king, "Is the painting for which I have been looking. Peace is not necessarily in pleasant surroundings. It is the calm heart in the midst of life's storms. Author Unknown Such a difficult concept to grasp....this idea of peace... That peace is within ...... not without is a hard one to learn. Every time we take a vacation we are seeking peace. Yet we tend to take the same problems with us and find no peace and add yet another burden of frustration that we found not whatwe so desperately sought. Where do we get this idea that Peace is something from without ? Ask anyone what makes for a peaceful place to them and you will be regaled with visions of this quiet place full of wonderful things. You will hear that peace is a space where there is no turmoil. Well if that be the case, then Peace is an impossibility As many would agree... I however don't think that's the case Peace, like Love is an affair of both the heart and mind One can have it or or not as one chooses in the middle of chaos one can find peacefulness for the simple reason you make it yourself No one has to give it to you In fact, no one can give it to you If you wait for the Lull in life to find peace, you will wait forever This takes practice to do as we are taught differently We are told over and over that " this " = peacefulness this being whatever spells nirvana in the current day Which changes hourly, so it's an impossible thing to attain Inner peace however, comes for free No man has the power to upset you, except yourself No one is able to make you unpeaceful save you This sounds like foolishness, but it is mere fact It may be fact that your life is full of things that could be distressing it is your choice however how you feel about them Let me ask you this.. will it help the matter any if you get all het up about it ? If so then by all means, pitch as big a fit as you feel the need for.This from a champion fit pitcher ! I was and occasionally still am Very good at it .. and You know what ? Not a single moment of my distress served to lessen any problem in front of me In fact, most of the time it robbed me of any power I might have had to really DO anything about the situation I faced I wasted all my energy in distress and used none to solve the problem.It felt like I had done something ... I expended all this energy but in fact I had done nothing ... but make myself miserable And we do so love our misery don't we ? Don't think so ? Every time we re hash an hurt we allow it to hurt us again over and over and over.. we hang on to that pain as if it meant something Now do we have to do this ? NO yet we do Why ? It's a kind of justification ... we are upset because of whatever and figure that if we get upset enough it will go away Rather weird logic going on there.. it's like if we feed steaks to a tiger long enough the tiger will become a vegetarian ? Sounds rather silly doesn't it ? Yet we do just that Peace is a state of mind, to where you don't mind no matter what We seem to think that if we don't react with distress we are somehow not aware of the problem I've been accused of this one " How can you stand there and not be upset, don't you care ? ! " On the contrary, I care very much, however that does not mean I have to run around in tears and distress myself to prove it ! Our very need to " prove " we care deeply is very often what causes us to " lose our cool " and be without peace. We all have our triggers, things we " care " about that cause us to let go our peace to prove we care. It seems a rather poor way to show caring if we are impossible to live with because we are always upset ! It makes more sense to realize that getting all bent out of shape about it is not a good way to show something that matters to us is not going as we would want it to go Most martial fights are due to this, most issues with our children because we care about the situation.. when it goes " wrong " we respond by being upset .. this is supposed to show love ? Ever notice that something you don't give a damn about has no power to upset you ? Why ? You don't care is why, it's not important to you Which is why we lose our peace in the storm of life because we DO care and try to prove it by being upset about it.The more we care, the more upset we become, We get passionate about it Now the big question is.. what does this do to your peace ? Predictably... ruins it of course and with peace lost, ruins any chance we might have had to take care of the problem and so on and so on to infinity We and we alone can break that chain by understanding a simple fact .. losing our peacefulness because something has gone wrong merely magnifies the wrong and makes matters worse Deep breath , get the priority right , and stop the reaction if you can and you will know much more peace and handle life better, no matter what it throws at you Blessings be Esta Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 419 (5/10/04 5:19 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression As Part of this seires are serveral pages on guilt and how to handle that....if anyone is interested I will post them as well all of these pages are at paganandproud.bravepages.com/ Starwind Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
Phuridai She stands Tall and Walks Free Posts: 131 (5/12/04 9:51 am) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression Excellent series, Star! I definitely think you should post the pages on guilt. doll by Gr8Goddess Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth.
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 422 (5/12/04 9:18 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression Since a few folk and yourself purdia have asked for it..here they are......guilt and what to do with it BB Starwind Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 423 (5/12/04 9:23 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression The Path of Guilt Or Ashes On the Head and Other Silliness I had occasion recently to have some very old history tossed in My face .. literally .. and was held liable by someone who felt they had grievance with me We made peace between us ,however it made me think a great many things .. Again First and foremost was the concept of guilt and its relevance to my life on the Pagan Path and in General As a Priestess .. I am expected to know myself as with any true walker of the Pagan way .. Right , Wrong or Indifferent.. part of the training is to really look at the self warts and all .. to make peace with the Self.. regardless of past foolishness .. accept others, accept yourself So where does guilt fit it ? Or does it..? I have not always been a firm believer in if you do wrong , you make amends.. you apologize.. then ya get over it..! This I had to learn...Queen of the guilt trip here .. I had it down to an Art form .. Until I finally realized what a waste of time, energy and emotion it was .. it didn't help the other person and it dang sure didn't make ME feel any better about it all .. making amends however .. did But that's not enough for some, some want tears, pain, misery for them to believe that you feel sorry for any wrong you did Or even wrong they THINK you did ! OK.. Why ? If I tear my hair and cry Mea culpa, is this going to somehow make things right ? If I make myself feel bad enough' is this somehow going to make anything better for who I wronged? If I Deny myself happiness, is this going to help the other BE happy ? Answer ?.. Of Course Not...! One look at any of the above and a rational person goes None of that Will change anything for the better ! In fact it could make it worse Feelings of Guilt are a cop out we all do but they are sentiment without substance The act of feeling bad over something in place of taking action about it Any action requires two things One the knowledge that there is a NEED to do so And two .. The will to do so The first must come before the second, knowledge you have to know someone's hurt over some action or non action of yours to even begin a process of amends Then comes the will to action taking responsibility for your own acts and making whatever reparations are needed But moan and cry and thrash about in a wallow of self mortification FOR WHAT ! There is only one reason for this foolish display because somewhere, sometime, someone taught you or them, that to be forgiven you must " PAY " for your trespass with this display of misery and remorse The person who tossed the old History in my face called me a Heartless cold Beecth .. because they had never seen me cry over these events they took great pains to tell me.. they did that day .. but not for the events they came to tell but for the pain they caused me with their rage over things I could not undo .. or take back .. and in most cases, was not really to blame for .. They ended up apologizing to me .. for wanting to make me Cry .. and realized for themselves they were the ones with a problem .. Not with me .. but with themselves .. As they wanted to hold me liable for their current actions .. A responsibility I am not liable for.. Any grown person is responsible for their own actions, no matter who did what or when or how you have been hurt Even if life has handed you the worst possible events, this does not mean you get to blame that for doing as bad or worse... Yourself On the Pagan Way each person is responsible for their own actions and most assuredly for their own RE-actions to life in general The one thing I learned in the early days of training for the Path is the only thing I really have any control over is myself .. my actions and how I respond to the actions of others I can do things with good intent ,or not I can response to things with sense and reason and understanding Or not .. That is all I or anyone else has any say over.. Ever Do I always get this right ? HA ! What am I a saint ? Oh no, still working on it and most likely will still be working on it when I breath my last on this Earth ! But I try, Goddess help me , I try And sometimes, I fail to act correctly and lose it, my temper, my patience, ( boy do I got a lot of work to do on that one ! ) my overall good sense .. and My will to behave so It happens .. I apologize and get on with it But guilt for these lapses of good sense ?.. Yes its a possible response, but a wasteful one ... it does nothing, other than to make you miserable You can't accomplish much good in life, even to making amends if you spend most of your time feeling bad for being human We are responsible for what we do.. yes Does this mean spend the rest of your days in regret over a moments foolishness or rage .. ? NO One of the things we learn on the Path to self enlightenment is not to waste the Energy of Life on fruitless endeavors Guilt is such a waste .. it serves no one If you try and make amends and the other party does not accept Their loss .. not yours .. forgive them their need for vengeance and get on with the businesses of living ... Maybe light Candles for them and say prayers that the darkness they carry be lightened .. if they insist on holding on to pain ... but do not bear burdens not your own .. This no one has the right to ask of you It does not serve the Good.. it does not Serve the Gods it does not serve them..nor does it serve YOU Just my two cents on the subject Speaking of lighting candles I was recently sent a URL to a site that has a wonderful thing going Virtual Candles.. to be lit for any good intent .. they will burn forever if they can .. real candles burn down .. these are kept going .. for you.. as a service of the Good from them to you By Journey Have amends to make..? Forgiveness to do ? Prayers for the ease of another's pain ? Or any other need or memory you wish to honor . You might check this site out and light one or two the act of the will ... to do so ... will be very healing for you.. The Candle/link is right off their site with their kind permission.. www.journey1.org/home.html Blessed Be Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 424 (5/12/04 9:29 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression Ever have one of those days when it seems Nothing you did .. was right ? .. Or What to do when it hits the fan and it IS your fault Guilt part two ( A little peek into a very bad day ) Today was one of those days.. I , with the best of intentions .... still tromped all over someone else's feelings ..and the more I Tried to apologize .. the worse it got Why ? Mainly Because ... they didn't accept my apology for one, nor my explanation .. seems they would rather think me hopelessly rude and stupid to boot .. than think I made an honest error .. In a situation where I took action ... I didn't check things as well as I might have before I acted .. I did try , but I missed something in the process .. which started the whole ball of wax .. So when I acted, without this bit I missed , It backfired in my face .... Royally .... And they had hurt feelings .. which Was my fault .. no matter if I intended it that way or not Now I am a peace with the matter ..Once I got over feeling like a complete Idiot who had just made herself look like a very rude and careless person .. I understand their original stand on the matter.. I might have felt the same in their boots ... once I realized what I had just done .. I tried to explain .. to clarify what I did and why, that this was unintentional ... That I would not knowingly hurt them .. ( mind you this person was , till that moment, a stranger to me .. I would have no reason to WANT to hurt them .. ) I made what amends I could make... .. but the problem is still there.. for them .. as they wanted .. something more it seemed Guilt .. which I did feel .. for about 3 exchanges .. I was at fault here , but that was not enough... It was Like they wanted to hurt me .. make me suffer ... be nasty and rude to me .. as they felt I had been to them .... I was not intentionally rude to them .. but they seemed to think so .. and because they thought so ... this gave them free license to heap abuse on my head and be deliberately rude to me, I have said all this before but from another perspective On page one about Guilt I talk about how foolish all that is... in a word its Childish at best... downright stupid at worst .. as what do they gain .. ? The feeling of superiority that they are not the ones who blew it.. this time ? Which they then drag themselves thur the same Mud they are busy throwing at me.. Does it really help to be rude to me.. ? Even If they are mad because they feel I hurt them.. , Hell even If had done it on purpose Does it make it right for them to be rude to me now.. ? Mind now we are not talking children here .. but it sure sounds like it doesn't it.. Shades of the Playground .. So what to do about this boggle ? ..Nothing.. YOU heard me .. Nothing .. If you have done your best to make amends and they refuse. If what they want to do in order for them to accept you is for you to stand there and let them abuse you and make you grovel ? Walk away and let them graw their own liver if it makes them happy .. But do not stand there and let them berate you .. Even if your actions did lead to their injury " Even the King may not hit a Man twice for the same offense " Now why am I bothering to tell you all this ? Well, its certainly not to let ya know I'm human I think ya already figured that one No Rather to share a little more of what's what, with regard to this tricky situation of guilt, we all find ourselves in from time to time.. this time from the perspective when their IS something for which some guilt might be an option .. something you said or did Now we all know people who only open their mouth to change feet..this is not about those poor souls and their squeaky clean toes This is about yourself and how to handle with some grace awkward situations IMHO anyway And more importantly how to avoid doing them again As I have said in other missives .. on the Pagan paths or any Path trough life it behooves a person to be as informed as possible to make reasonable choices .. to take things into account before we take action But what if we do all that .. and it blows up anyway is my point here the lesson to be learned from it .. Re think it Go over the thing again.. What did you miss ? Why did you miss it ..? Where you careless .. ? Was the thing so hidden you didn't see it .. ? Or you didn't dig deep enough ? Did the other party Hide what you missed ? ( Believe it or not .. this one happens a lot more often than ya might think .. think about why they would for second and you will see why .. its a power trip ) Once you have done all that .. then Map it Out What could you have done differently ? Once you have that .. then ask this ...What prevented you from doing it that way this time ? This ones important Why ? Because it points out to us our blind spots .. the areas we don't see or don't take into consideration .. we all have them ... Once you see where you could have done it better.. then see what caused you not to take the better route to begin with How did you handle it ? This ones a tuffy .. Especially if we make some blunder un-intended .. We tend to fumble the recovery too and Mess it up even more , as we are taken by surprise by the whole thing ... But no matter how it came about .. when it was brought to your attention .. What did you do..? How did you comport yourself ? Did you look at from their point ? Did ya get all defensive about it ? How did you handle it ? And most important was there a way you could have handled it better ? And if so .. what stopped you from doing it ? Get Over It There is a major temptation to wallow in a mire of self condemnation when we screw up ... What ? Its not bad enough the other party wants to take a whack at you .. you wanna save them the trouble and do it yourself ? But mind you I do not mean just toss it in the minds coat closet .. as it will sit there in the Dark and grow uglier and nastier as time goes on .. No I mean just what I said.. get over it.. make peace with it .. See page on Corners of the Mind for how... Ya go outa your way to make peace with the other party .. doe's it not make sense to take as many pains in making peace with yourself ? Digest the Lesson Review all you have done with this , Re thinking the whole thing .. Mapping it out as to what just happened and why ..review of how you dealt with it .. Then file that away in the file box of the mind for further reference .. In case anything like it comes up again ... which it will .. Learn the Lesson placed in front of you Then Let go and get on with your Life Hope this helps a little to get a handle on it all when it hits the fan ! Blessings on One and All With Special Blessings To any I have Ever Erred Against Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 425 (5/12/04 9:38 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression All's Calm in the Universe.. or is it ? Or How to Evict the thoughts that are interrupting your peace of mind Guilt part 3 The Pagan path ..is a process of self discovery... one part of which is to learn how we think and more importantly .. what we think... of ourselves A recent conversation with a friend ... brought up one of the most disruptive things we can do to ourselves ...Guilt... now I have other pages on this subject.. and it bears yet another look ... on how to stop doing it ! The guilt that WE impose .. on ourselves...most often for nothing at all There was a time in my life.. when I would and did do for others daily ..but let me try and do something for me and the guilt trip was on...... If I ever did anything for me...I would compensate by overdoing for others I could go out all day and spend money left and right and by days end have not gotten a single thing for me.. not even things I needed Every time I would buy something for me .. I would worry and feel bad..what if that money was needed for something the kids needed ? Or the house needed and on and on. This is a very nasty cycle..that there is only one way out of Lose the Guilt ! Self Sacrifice... Why do it ? We are told that to do for others is the best thing one can do with ones life ...and it is ....however....we can do this to the point of self neglect Are we not as worthy of our efforts as any we help ? Does it not make sense to feed the needs of the caregiver ... as much as those we care for ? Logic would say yes .. but this is not what we often do The old saying goes .. " if you sacrifice yourself to others you end up hating those to whom you have sacrificed yourself " Truer words where never spoken... We like to think we are totally givers, with no strings or exceptions attached News flash..... its not how it works... weather we will it or no we expect a certain amount of recompense for our pains... even if its just a simple thank you We are told the worthy don't ask for this... but wait for it to be given,but people are notorious for being ungrateful ... or at the least don't show their gratitude for what they are given...Like our children... any parent knows the times they hear gratefulness from their kids are few and far between...and all of us resent this at one time or another.. which makes us feel guilt for that too So... how to get off this pain in the butt merry go round ? By the Numbers One: Accept the fact that for a great many things .. no one will ever say thanks but do it anyway without expectations or resentment, as its the right thing to do.. Karma and all that good stuff..the Mother thanks you.. even if no one else will Two: Learn to take time to make time .. for you .. a person cannot give and give and give .. till there's nothing left ... no matter how great the others need...take the time to recharge.. even if just for a moment...for you and your needs .. Three: Cut off the greedy vampires who suck the life force from you and give nothing in return... this means Boss, Lover, friend... anyone... as these people don't understand yet that all life is give and take... and only know how to take Four: If you accept the responsibility for a task...do it...without mentally trying to hold back or expect more than you agreed for to do it... even if that recompense is nothing .. in other words.. if what you are doing is not going to be recompensed in any way and you knew this going in... do not mess your own head up waiting for the payoff that's not coming ! Five: Everyday do as much for yourself ... as you do for others... even if that's just a few moments of rest and peace in-between life's demands.. you will be better fit for the task for it ... and don't feel any guilt for it.. as without it.. you cant do for them as they need you to do.. so talking care of yourself.. IS for them too Six: Don't wait for others to reward you..... reward yourself...you have earned it Seven: Every time guilt pops into your head.. for taking time or money for your needs...get out a very large hammer and bash that thought over and over till there's nothing left of it...there is no place in your life for self degradation.. you are a child of the Goddess and she tells us life is pleasant.. not a chore to be plodded thur with liberal doses of self recrimination every time we do something for us Eight: Analyze your guilt ... do your feel guilty for leaving your kids with a baby-sitter .. just so you can go have a little adult time ? Don't .. you will be a better parent for having taken the time.. rather than a grumpy parent whose learning to hate the kids for all they take from you...Do you feel guilt for not doing the impossible and taking care of all the needs of everybody..? Whatya think you are..? Wonder Woman or something..? Your one person.. with limits of time, money and energy ..no one.. not even yourself ...has the right to ask you to push beyond that day after day Nine: All acts of pleasure are the rituals of the Goddess.. do you really think the Goddess will think less of you because you take some time out to enjoy life once in a while ? Of course not ! Know when its time to be selfish .. there I said the S word the one we are all afraid of.. Is it selfish to make sure you stay well, sane and in a positive frame of mind..? Better that that surly, tired and resentful..what good are you then, to those who need you..? Ten: Let go of the past... old guilt's are worst of all.. as we can do nothing about them.. now or ever.. understand that simple fact and you can accept yourself and get on with your life...whatever you did or did not do.. doesn't matter in the face of the current day to day reality.. if such thoughts are foremost.. lose them..and get on with your life Misplaced Quilt ,which is dang near all guilt ,is a life stealer for every moment you spend .. feeling guilty over not being perfect, for taking time to pamper you... for being human and making mistakes..... is more than a moment wasted.. its part of your life dying.. part of the vital force that is yourself.. withering away.. for lack of care and it is our hand that starves this part of the soul ... not another's.. Ours ! Make a pledge to yourself..... now .. today.. never to feel this wasteful emotion again... as it serves no one.. helps nothing and can make matters worse.. never better If you have done a wrong make amends...do not waste time and effort wallowing in the sentiment of guilt... you have a right to life.. you have a right to enjoyment..you have a right to have the same care, as you give to others... and if none are there to do it for you..you must do it for yourself..and never.. EVER ..feel the least bit of guilt for doing it We are the hand of the Goddess.. and to be fit for that task.. we must be whole,one cannot be whole, if your forever beating on your own chest crying Mea Cupla It is written the well dipper who gives to others can dip of the well of giving forever But the well dipper had dang well better remember to take a drink now and again herself .. or no one gets any .. because the well dipper just keeled over from thirst ! Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
Gaia Angel Cranky Hedge Witch Posts: 1409 (5/27/04 6:11 am) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression It totally amazes me on how reminders pop up just exactly when you need them thank you esta for sharing this series! Children Of The Earth and Sky
starwind123 Keeper of the Sacred Arts Posts: 444 (5/30/04 2:31 pm) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression de nada sister mine... Starwind Blessings on your coming Blessings on your going Blessings on all your house
wolfscout1 Waiting for a name!! Posts: 85 (8/20/04 3:58 am) Reply	Re: Emotional balance and dealing with depression StarWind thank you for this thread I have marked it and will return to it for more indepth reading when I 'm not in state of spell ( it's bad days for me 5 now and i haven t been to bed for 4) but the sun will rise soon. ~~~ OWP , Larry's Place

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