I was actually thinking about this today.
You do in fact see the color of the morning dove, a sort of grey with dusty rose...much the same colors which occur on windless slightly overcast mornings over water.
The word gossamer is perfect as it resonates with the last line in an odd way. I see the threads in fabric and threads on the water where the dove's feet have cut a line in the surface.
I was hoping Manniac wouldn't think I was ripping him off. I did follow his lead however, and I guess tried to emulate his style (that is to say copy) to a certain extent.
Thanks again
manniac dharma explorer
Posts: 52
(7/17/01 10:52 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku!
Nope, you didn't rip me off, Keld. That style of poem has it's origins in 15th century Japan; we're both ripping off those old Asians.
Re: Haiku!
I really liked this haiku, Keld Feldspar, it's actually been ringing around in my head since you posted it. The fact that is was your first signals to me that you have an aptitude for the form.
Will you write another? Pleeeeze?
Re: Haiku!
You'll probably wish I quit when I was ahead, and just chaulked it off to beginners luck.
natures metronome
as thunder rolls through heaven
rain drips from porch eaves
manniac dharma explorer
Posts: 90
(8/5/01 8:53 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku!
Good work, Keld! Very evocative of a summer storm.
manniac dharma explorer
Posts: 93
(8/5/01 10:50 pm) Reply
redneck haiku
I don't remember where I got these, but I thought you might enjoy them.....
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mud flaps
-----
A painful sadness
Cain't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door
-----
Crusted in boogers
Stained with Kool-Aid, baby has face
Only Mama loves
-----
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you're my sister
A true gentleman
For granting a lady's request.
Thank you Keld Feldspar...this one has rolled about in my head just as the last one did.
I think you have a bit of natural aptitude in this area. Consider checking out some of the bygone masters of the form and writing further. There's something about the images you place together which conveys a sense of sacrality, silence and compassion for the segments of nature you're describing. If I understand traditional Haiku correctly, this sentiment is always meant to be at the heart of every poem, no matter what the subject matter. It comes naturally to you.
My haiku
sets the cats to yowling.
Insects take flight to get away.
I did as suggested and found some sites for Haiku.
I'm a bad person. It is suggested when using simile, one must lose the word as. It is suggested that the readers should figure this for themselves.
English versions should use the 3 5 3 or 2 3 2 to give it that Zen like, choppy? affect. It doesn't say that this is a must, but to use the 5 7 5 defies convention.
manniac dharma explorer
Posts: 96
(8/8/01 8:37 pm) Reply
There are no mistakes in art
Screw convention. Any haiku *I* write will be in the 5-7-5 format.
Following convention is like following someone else's map....and you know what I say about maps....
Re: There are no mistakes in art ...which means you're busted as the "redneck haiku" author, manniac.
Keld-
It's not like you're cheating.
I did seem to remember the form constraining the language to be more choppy than anyone had written here. Specifically, I remember single words kicking off the poem. Oops.
The fact is, that you handle a spareness of language with a great deal of feeling for the nature you describe. The form is just a pattern, whether quatrain, haiku, sonnet, etc. Some forms will suit your style better than others, but the inherent sensation will not leave your writing just because the form changes. Please don't toss off the earlier ones. Continue.
...and, tell the truth, you enjoy writing them don't you? One can sense that in them.
Edited by: NousPoetikos at: 8/8/01 10:37:13 pm
Re: 2-3-2 Haiku
My picture of a man who lives in the woods in AR has started to transmute into the image of a poet who lives in Japan and studies under a master haiku writer.
Keld Feldspar man of mystery...
Duck hunter? Haiku master? Double agent? Triple agent with cherry on top?
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