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Sugar Mtn Honeybee
Waiting for a name!!
Posts: 120
(1/22/05 7:14 pm)
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More rambling thoughts..
I been having weird dreams lately. I've had the same one twice, about me, where I am having a stroke. In the dream, as myself, I don't realize what's going on. I'm trying to talk to my family and can't figure out why they're looking at me strangely. As an observer of the dream, I know they are horrified because my face is crooked, my speech is slurred and almost not able to be understood, and they KNOW I am in the process of having a stroke. I've had this same dream twice now. The third dream was about our son, Shawn, having a stroke. Weird, but there you have it.
It's so nice to be able to get back online today. I don't know if it will last, but I hope so. I've missed it. I have been thinking a lot about that MS article, wondering how many people who have been diagnosed with FMS or CFIDS have ever been tested for MS. Montel had made the comment that he had been diagnosed with FMS and CFIDS before they finally figured out he had MS -- and then it took them years to figure it out. What do I know, though. I'm not a doctor, but I just have a sneaking suspicion about it, intuition, gut feeling, whatever you want to call it.
Wish it was warmer out here. I hate being cold.. I would rather be HOT than cold. Once your bones are cold, you just stay that way.
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Sugar Mtn Honeybee
Waiting for a name!!
Posts: 121
(1/26/05 12:01 pm)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
My right eye has been hurting for several days now. I have a headache above & behind that eye, but the eyeball itself hurts when it moves, like there is grit or something behind it, been fairly clumsy, but I think that might be from the blindness in that right eye  Not sure about that. Have also been choking easily, even on my own spit. Even though my bones & muscles hurt, I seem to have little feeling in my skin in places. Have burnt myself a few times in the past week & didn't even feel it. Just noticed it afterwards. Fingers & hands go numb a lot, as do my feet & toes. Still having muscle cramps, bones & joints have fierce aching. Have noticed that I will get almost like electric shocks up & down neck, arms, shoulders, even down into my back sometimes when I just move my head the wrong way. Must be pinching a nerve. The worst thing is heart racing, feeling like it's going to jump out of my chest, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep. I can actually feel it jumping. I told the doc about that part a few weeks back. He said, "That's interesting". That was it. I actually talked to MIL about all this yesterday, so that, if something happens to me, someone will know & hopefully remember if I can't. I sometimes wonder if I will wake up in the morning the next day or not...
I also must have had a nosebleed and my ear bleeding sometime in the night last night, as there was blood in both this morning, both on the left side.
Edited by: Sugar Mtn Honeybee at: 1/26/05 12:06 pm
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sheilajw2002 
Our Lady of few words and many emotions
Posts: 211
(1/26/05 7:26 pm)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
Sending healing thoughts your way, Bee. 
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Sugar Mtn Honeybee
Waiting for a name!!
Posts: 122
(1/30/05 4:01 pm)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
Thanks, Sheila. Just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head, things I wonder about, stuff I want to put down somewhere so it won't be forgotten about, mainly by me.
Sometimes at night I wonder if I will wake up in the morning or not. or, if I do wake up, will I be able to get out of bed or will tomorrow morning finally be the day when it's just beyond my grasp or ability to do so. Just trying to take it one day -- or one night -- at a time. I do wonder sometimes how many days - or nights - will be left. I always liked WolfScout's description of that, "mind-roaming". I guess that's what my mind does at night. Maybe that's why I like to read so much, to keep my mind occupied with other things.
Then, I also wonder how much of this is my imagination, or depression, or how much is real? Like I said, I just get the feeling that there is something they are missing -- but I don't know how to get them to find it. If I know doctors, they will wait until there is some type of definitive "crisis" to even question the way they have defined things to this point in time. The only question is, will I survive the crisis or not? and, If I do survive it physically, will **I** (whatever defines me as me) still be in there or not?
I have this pervasive and overwhelming sense of Doom hanging over my head. Then, I have to wonder, is this just a symptom of depression? Should I just give myself a good shake and get over it? Can I do that if I want to? I don't think it's about depression. I mean, that's something I'm familiar with, and it's "dealable". This doesn't seem to be the same crap, but new & different CRAP.
Edited by: Sugar Mtn Honeybee at: 1/30/05 4:05 pm
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shadeaux63
Keeper of dreams
Posts: 1075
(1/31/05 11:22 am)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
I totally get ya,Bee.I frequently wonder if the doctors have any clue whatsoever.A lot of your symptoms are very familiar to me,but I would be concerned about finding blood in the ear.Even nosebleeds are common,especially this time of year.But blood,even a few drops, in your ear,is usually a sign of a problem that needs to be seen.It could be nothing, but please get it checked out.
I also saw the Montel show,about his MS.I firmly believe that FM is much more common than doctors want to admit.But I also believe that many of the diagnosed cases are mis-diagnosed.I know a lot of people who have been diagnosed with FM, only to find out later that they actually have some other condition,whether it's chronic Lyme disease,MS,or something else entirely.So many docs think of FM as a catch-all diagnosis,that they throw it out there like it means nothing(which it doesnt to most of them).This does no good for either the ones who actually do have it, or the ones who have something else that may be treatable.Then there are those who can never GET a diagnosis, because the docs just cant admit they dont know everything,and since they cant define FM,or any other chronic pain problem,and treat it, it must not be "real".
Dealing with the fears,and feelings that come with so many symptoms is NOT easy,I know.Sometimes I wish it was all over with,other times I wonder if every little pain could be something horrible,and I fear knowing,yet fear NOT knowing just as much.I "only" have a diagnosis of FM,but I feel like there's a ton more that the docs just dont want to bother with, just because they've decided that FM should be enough,therefore everything that happens to me MUST be FM.
I don't have many answers,but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.Sometimes feeling like there is no one else who feels the way you do only intensifies all the feelings you have,whether it's the depression, the feelings of doom,or even the excitement of having a decent day,some days.
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Sugar Mtn Honeybee
Waiting for a name!!
Posts: 123
(2/1/05 11:05 am)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
Thanks, Shadeaux. You make so much sense, and common sense is what I need to hear, I think. The 2 things that concern me the most are the heart racing, jumping thing and the blood in my ear. I had surgery on that same ear in 93 because there was a hole in the the middle window that was leaking neuro fluid and causing my balance to be way off. I was actually deaf in that ear for over a year & a half. Next time I go to the doc, I guess I'll just have to be more persistent with him. 
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Sugar Mtn Honeybee
Waiting for a name!!
Posts: 126
(2/20/05 6:48 pm)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
Went back to the doc on Friday and didn't HAVE to be more persistent. hehe.. He is making arrangements for an ENT specialist to look at the ear, plus arranging a 24-hour Holter monitor test to check out the heart palpitations. So, maybe a few more pieces of the puzzle, as someone else put it. Hematocrit was still not at the 50 they want it at to repeat the blood volume study, but it was up to 46.5... so it's getting there.
It has been nice out here for the most part. It rained yesterday, but other than that, the days have been fairly warm & sunny. We planted some flower bulbs this past week, plus seeds for marigolds. Drone made the holes for the bulbs, and I dropped em in and covered em up. I used a large crochet hook (size Q) and made some doggie mats for 2 of our puppies. They are smaller than placemats, but it felt good to accomplish something I once enjoyed doing very much. I have a hard time holding onto the smaller hooks now, and crocheting makes my hands hurt. They hurt most of the time anyway, so this usually makes it worse. BUT, perseverence pays, I guess. I got both mats done, they look nice, and the doggies love em. These are made with large cord-type yarn (like for rugs or macrame).
The doc filled out some exam papers for me & signed them, so we can say the same thing in 12 different ways for the insurance companies. ark.. He gave me a new scrip for the Tylenol #3 that I take fairly regularly now -- plus a brand-new scrip for Percocet for "rescue pain" if the T#3 is just not working. So, another piece of documentation. (This patient is not taking pain medications that are indicative of the severe chronic pain that she claims to have). 
I told him I don't like the idea of taking them at all, but he said, well, you don't have to take them, but if you have the scrip & you get it filled, they don't know if you're takin them or not. Ok, he's right. I will take them if I really need to also. I'm waiting impatiently for spring and then SUMMER!
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lauriex
The gentle hearted
Posts: 218
(2/21/05 12:09 am)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
hey sugar...
just read through your posts, hope you dont mind if l'm here... anyway, l just wanted to ask that you keep us updated, kay? that blood in the ear thing is really worrying, even to me... and l dont know anything about any of this. anyway, l hope you get a couple good days in there somewhere along w/ the bad, (or no bad at all, lol) and am sending healthy thoughts your way. remember to keep us updated, though, kay?
laurie.
ps... dont suffer needlessly, kay? at least, not too much... 
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Sugar Mtn Honeybee
Waiting for a name!!
Posts: 128
(2/22/05 10:36 am)
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Re: More rambling thoughts..
I don't mind you being here. 
I will definitely keep y'all updated about what's going on. I figure they will call me sometime this week with appt dates & times.
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