Zahir al Daoud 
Man
Posts: 44
(9/28/03 1:02 pm)
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 You Know You're a LOTR Fanatic When...
1. You get pulled over by a cop, and when he is writing you a ticket, he asks you for your name and you respond: "Tell me your name officer, then I shall tell you mine."
2. If someone tries to get by you, you turn and exclaim loudly: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
3. When you check your email, you start speaking to Sauron.... After all, your computer is your Palantír! Just hope no one throws it down the stairs....
4. When you hear a knock at the door, you look around suspicously and mumble: "They are coming...."
5. When you are surfing the web, you get another annoying pop-up window, and you rub your chin and say to yourself: "What is this new devilry?"
6. You come to Math class on the day of the finals and mutter under your breath: "You find more cheer in a graveyard!"
7. You call the ugliest person that you know "Smeagol," and when he/she replies: "What are you smoking?" You say: "The finest weed in the Southfarthing."
8. You go to the local old folks home to visit mom, and you see an old, decrepid, elderly man sitting on a chair. Thinking quickly, you grab a nearby staff, hold out your hand, close your eyes, and say: "From my power, I release you!"
9. You run through a load of pigeons, shouting: "Fly, you fools!"
10. You change your answering machine message to: "This is the Dark Lord Sauron! Give me a ring!"
11. Next Olympics, when the torch bearer enters, you jump up and shout: "Kill him, Legolas! Kill him!"
12. You explain to your children/little sibling that "The Three Billy Goats Gruff" were really trying to cross the Bridge of Khazad-Dum to the greener pastures of Lothlorien.
13. You refuse to go anywhere unless plans are made at least a week in advance. Any sooner would just be too hasty.
14. You walk into your local bakery and ask for two loaves of lembas bread.
15. When you put your coat into a coat check at a club you look suspiciously over each shoulder. While you hand the club employee your coat, you look directly and very seriously into their eyes saying, "Keep it secret. Keep it safe."
16. You hold conversations with yourself in the middle of the night where you remind yourself that "You haven’t got any friends!"
17. You had nine dogs named after each member of the Fellowship…After the death of Boromir, you only had eight dogs.
18. You are constantly asking the trees in your yard if they’ve found the Entwives yet.
19. Every September 22nd, you throw a birthday party for Bilbo and Frodo. The question is will any one come?
20. When someone asks you your name, you respond with "I am ___ son (Or daughter) of _____."
21. You named your cubicle "Helm’s Deep" and brag that no one has ever broken through.
22. Whenever you do something wrong, you blame it on Isildur’s bane.
23. You have friends over for dinner and only serve one piece of Lembas bread
24. You refuse to give your kids vitamins because you want them to be hobbit-size forever
25. When your car breaks down, instead of calling someone for help, you wait for the Eagle Lord to swoop down and save you
26. You put Rogaine on your toes and feet.
27. Whenever anyone gets hurt in any way, you send someone out for the Athealas plant.
28. You spend all day down at the river repeating Elvish words, waiting for the sudden gush of water.
29. Anytime someone asks you for something, you say, "If you want it...come and claim it."
30. When it snows you yell "It's Saruman!"
31. You've named each part of your town after places of Middle Earth.
32. When you get into arguments with friends about the phonetics of Tolkien-ese words, like Osgiliath. (It is NOT Oz - Goliath!)
33. Whenever fish are mentioned you say have a crazy urge to yell out "So Juicy-Sweet!"
34. When someone emails you a LOTR "How do you know you're a fanatic" message, and you've not only already heard every entry on the list, but you send it back to your friend, outlining various errors in spelling and logic.
35. You give yourself an Elvish name.
36. Your internet identity is named after an LotR character.
37. You actually get these jokes and/or have done some of them. Then you forward this to all your LotR freakish friends.
"O Let my name be in the Book of Love!
If it be there, I care not of
That other great book above!
Strike it out, or write it in anew,
But let my name be in the Book of Love!" |
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