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lauriex
The gentle hearted
Posts: 204
(1/22/05 5:44 am)
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finding my mom
hey guys.
well, l've been trying to get a lil more active on the board the last couple weeks, and for the most part it's been slow, but l'm downloading something right now, so l thought l'd do some stuff on the net.
anyway, not much has happened lately, except for this:
a couple weeks ago, l decided l wanted to find my mom. l dont know anything about her at all really, except her name, my sister's name, and possibly my grandparents' names, and that they once lived in new brunswick.
if l were any good at scrying (l've never tried any of it, in any form), l'd give that a shot, but mostly l've been focusing on the net, hoping that she's been online somehow, or that dianna has.
l just... l'm scared, really.
l dont know if she'd even want to see me, or know me, and l'm not even sure if my sister knows about me, or anything about dad... and... l dont want to be the one to break that shit to her, either. either of them, really, though l suppose mom already knows. l guess.... now that l've got my relationship with my grandparents straightened out - wer're doin great, l guess - l figured it's time to work on myself, and it feels like l can't go on with my own life fully until l find out why she left me, why she didn't fight for me.
*sigh* l guess l'm just... kinda scared, ya know?
all the stories l've heard about her have been... negative, to say the very least, though most of them come from my father, who l think is a compulsive lier.
god, l'm rambling.
lol. guess it don't matter, though.... anyway, l just. yeah. l dont know what to say, really.
l mean, l'm happy, with sam and bruce (we're back together, but... this time it feels... right. stronger than last time.), and l'm a lil more confident inmyself, but it feels like somethings missing. l ended up applying for this tv show thing on missing family members, but the chance of me actually getting accepted is pretty low, l think.... mind you, cheryl (sam's mom) and sam seem to think l'm the perfect case, what with the circumstances and everything.
man, wouldn't it be... l can't even imagine meeting her. u know that? it's kinda pathetic, really.
anyway, don't worry. l really am okay. even happy, lol. it's just... 15 to 6 in the morning, and l haven't been to bed yet (by choice), so l'm a lil out of it.
l guess the reason l'm typing this, though, is to ask if any of you have advice, or just... know what this is like. what if... god. there're too many what if's to write em all down, really. l want this, though. l want my mom.
uh. l really am rambling. one more thing, though. is there any way l can search for her using divination, or something? or... god. l dunno.
laurie.
ps, you can ignore this if you want. l might end up doing that myself.
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shadeaux63
Keeper of dreams
Posts: 1067
(1/22/05 1:14 pm)
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Re: finding my mom
I think it's wonderful that you're trying to find your mom.I don't know the circumstances with your family, but I can tell you that I've known many people in similar situations to yours.Most have found the parent they're looking for,and none of them regret it.
I know from some of the talk shows I've seen that it isnt unusual for a child raised by one parent to lose contact with the other.The parent who's been missing usually has a much different story to tell than what the child has heard.I'm sure the truth lies somewhere in between.
I have a good example of that in my own home.My husband has a son by his first wife.WHen they divorced,the judge ordered child support, but outside the courtroom, she told Ralph," I don't want your money, I don't want anything from you.Just stay away from us,or you'll regret it."She had already taken out a restraining order on him,accusing him of hitting her(which he would NEVER do).So, he moved away.Not one day has gone by that he doesn't think of his son.He went back a couple of times, for family funerals,and once decided he was going to see his son, even if it meant getting arrested.When he showed up at the door, she threatened to call the police, but he convinced her not to.When his son first came out, the boy was scared to death.It seems she had always told him that his father was a crazed veteran,who could kill them all without them ever seeing him.The poor kid had envisioned his father hiding in trees, dressed in camoflage,waiting to do something.In reality, Ralph is a kind, gentle man,one who would give the shirt off his own back for someone if they needed it.His ex managed to keep him away, then blamed him for not being there.he's had very limited contact with his son since then, but not for a couple of years.We're only hoping the boy decides to come find his father,when he reaches 18.
I'm almost willing to bet your mother would love to hear from you.I know it's scary, to look up a parent you really dont know much about,and haven't seen in forever.There is always a small possibility of rejection.BUT,the vast majority of the time, it turns out that the missing parent has been hoping and praying to hear from thier lost child.
Good luck,and I really hope this works out for you.But, I'm sure it will.
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lauriex
The gentle hearted
Posts: 205
(1/25/05 10:28 pm)
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Re: finding my mom
hey esta.
yeah.
this isn't the first time l've tried to find her, but hopefully this time l'll have a little more luck (and not get so discouraged) as the last couple times. Mind you, with the lack of money l'm currently dealing with, the only resource l have is myself and whatever Sam and l can find in books... but we'll see.
thank you, it means a lot.
this is... something that means a lot to me, as l'm sure you can imagine. l've always wondered if there was something about me that made her leave. l guess l just.. have a lot of questions like that that need to be answered, ya know?
anyway, thanx. hope you're doing okay.
laurie.
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