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Transcender: Chapters I - V + pic now online!
Please post any comments, replies, rants, etc. (about this)-
Equilibrium
-------------------
E D I T E D Chapter I.
{How much should we tell him?}
[He doesn't need all that on him at the moment. Give him the short version.]
{Right. Is this a secure Link?}
[14KQ encoding ratio.]
{Affirmative. You make the call, Operative 5.}
[Me? Confimed. Operative 5, out.]
"Five. Close EthaLink."
Kanae woke, sweating, from a nightmare. It was a familiar one, dreamt on many a cold night when his father, the pilot of the stellar ferry Onmari, had left for work. The dream always ended with his father, in a ruptured cockpit, helplessly spiraling down toward the second moon of Eminai. Matore had left, as he did every night, after his son was asleep, and taken off from the Mintar Stellar Ferry Dock, bound for Emin 2 or, on occasions, the less hospitable moon of Emin 4. Kanae reached over to his bedside table and switched on the light panel.
His room was sparse, having only his clothing cabinet, the small cot where he slept, and the table, which held a light panel, a small digital clock, and the keys to the small pod which his father had given him for his fifteenth birthday. He reached for the keys, putting them in the pocket of his clothes. Since he was a child, Kanae had always slept in his clothes. "If there was an emergency," his father had said in his soft, precise voice, "a power unit leak, for example, and we had to leave, you would freeze if you were wearing your sleep suit."
In the kitchen, the telecom buzzed. A soft voice spoke over the loudspeaker:
"Incoming transmission for Kanae Talari. Repeat: Priority One transmission for Kanae Talari. Request telecom linkage."
Kanae jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen. The plastisteel floor was cold under his feet, and the room was dark, save for the light of the telecom. He activated the light panel and switched on the telecom's uplink.
"Kanae. EthaLink receiver code Archae-771. Open EthaLink please."
"EthaLink open." The face of Tanare Sudya, Matore's ferry owner, appeared. A flood of adrenaline shot through Kanae. Sudya owned the whole Seventeen-Four Section of Stalai One. He had founded the Masara Star Ferry business, and now was one of the most rich and influential businessmen in Stalai One. Such an influential man could only issue a Priority One call to Kanae for one reason; something had happened to Matore.
"M-Mister Sudya. Sir."
Sudya's face was grim. Kanae's stomach flipped. "Has something... happened, sir?"
The tycoon got to the point quickly. "At 0300 hours Eminai time Masara Control lost contact with the Onmari. All on board are assumed lost. I'm sorry, Mr. Talari." After the first sentence Kanae shut the world out, not ready to face the fact of his father's death. Already, the image in his mind of the kind, firm man who had been his father, was inexorably fading. Sudya spoke empty words about duty and honor and the good of the company, empty words that were tiny, meaning nothing in the world of Kanae's grief. Then the great business lord spoke about personal effects and insurance. Kanae withdrew further into himself, no longer listening. Then, suddenly, Sudya's words caught his attention.
"Mr. Talari, among your father's personal effects was a ship- a small long-range cruiser. The name of the ship is the [i]Transcender[/i]." His mouth twisted slightly. It was a long-standing tradition on Eminai to name stellar craft after a famous person, place, or even a loved one. That Matore chose to break this tradition was surprising at best. It was just like him, Kanae thought. "It is located, as it has been for years, in dock 42, bay C15, at the SFD. The pass key is in a false compartment in the cold storage in your house. I'm sending the will and testament by EthaLink now." A will- formalities- were exactly what Kanae did not want to think about. Remnants of the eons ago exodus from Sol III when the Aminur terrorists destroyed New London on Luna with an ancient nuclear explosive. Unfortunately for the terrorists, the explosion rendered the moon's orbit unstable. Only seven star vessels managed to escape the blast radius when Luna hit the earth. One managed to reach Eminiar alive, and Stalai One was founded. Kanae had learned all this history, and more, on his computer, which was one of his two most valued possessions. But no possession, not even if he was one of the Tetrarchs of the Stalai, could make up for that ephemeral link he had had with Matore.
With a farewell and a remark Kanae supposed was intended to be consoling, Sudya closed the connection.
The voice of the telecom's computer interrupted his tragic reverie. "EthaLink closed. Would you like to open a new connection?"
Kanae looked up, his mind racing. There was nothing here for him anymore. However, he must find a means of supporting himself. He had the sudden thought that he would become an explorer, a wanderer in the stars, a stellar transient. In his tangled mind, one emotion, one irrational thought ruled; he had to get away.
"Kanae. EthaLink transmission code Archae-932. Open EthaLink to SFD Dockmaster." He could barely choke the words out of a throat gone dry.
"EthaLink open," the telecom stated. A face of a young receptionist appeared. In the midst of his raging thought storm, he had time for one ironic thought; even after the destruction of Earth, some things never change.
"Stellar Ferryport & Dock. Can I help you?" Kanae straightened himself.
"Yes, please check the status of the vessel in dock 42, bay C15, if you could." The receptionist smiled at his politeness, activated her computer, and spoke to it in a hushed tone.
"The[i] Transcender[/i]?" the receptionist said, clearly thinking there must be a mistake.
"Yes, that's it," Kanae said, his voice cracking slightly.
"I'm transmitting the specifications to your telecom unit. Thank you."
"Thank you." A set of data appeared on the small telecom screen. The [i]Transcender[/i] appeared to be a good ship. It was equipped with a quantum ramdrive for extrasystemic travel, and with several amenities for supporting two space travelers. There was even a metasensory computer terminal with an EthaLink. Kanae had no close friends and had known how to fly a star cruiser sinch he was 10. He would go alone.
"Kanae. Close EthaLink." His mind was made up. He would go to the small colony Anmun Seven on Emin 2 and look for signs of his father. If his father had survived, that was where he would be.
He switched off the telecom and rose, going over to the cold storage unit. He pushed aside the syntho food inside and felt along the back. About a third of the way along his fingers encountered a rough surface. He ripped away the covering plastic and retreived a small chip. Then he ran to his room, took his glasses and put them on. He reached for the keys, then remembered they were in the pocket of his daysuit. Walking over to his clothing cabinet, he opened it and retreived a small waistpack. Into it he placed the pass chip for the Transcender, the keys to his pod, and, retreiving it from a shelf on his cabinet, his small holocomputer unit. He looked back at his bed- maybe for the last time- and started to leave, but then grabbed the small digital clock. Closing his door, he retrieved his house pass chip, and, with an air of finality, left Seventeenth Level, Fourth Section, cuboid 9.
It was false dawn, with two of Eminiar's moons showing, providing adequate light, though little could be seen from their level. Nobody else was visible- Seventeenth Level was usually reserved for the middle-class, and most were asleep. He walked around the back of the cuboid and retrieved his pod- a small cruising vehicle that one had to lie down to fit in. He lay in and closed the opaque roof. Giving the onboard navcomp the destination, he pushed ACTIVATE. The pod took off through the tubeways toward the SFD. Edited by: Equilibrium42 at: 2/27/03 4:27:29 am
Pretty Much a Regular
Posts: 57
(1/8/03 9:45 pm) Reply
Re: Transcender (A SciFi Story): Chapter 1
Cool, definitely not a bad start. It's hard to keep the opening of most stories interesting when you have to introduce a whole bunch of boring rhetoric, but you picked a good situation in which to to do so everything stayed interesting. Definitely a good thing :)
All that's really needed is some more description of the Kanae. What does he look like, how old is he (besides being at least 10) and such.
Re: Transcender (A SciFi Story): Chapter 1
If by rhetoric you mean that dialogue in italics at the beginning- That's been used before, like in Ender's Game . Glad you like the story. Look for chapter 2 tomorrow.
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Pretty Much a Regular
Posts: 60
(1/9/03 10:16 pm) Reply
Re: Transcender (A SciFi Story): Chapter 1
*Erk* I should've known better than to post when I was dead tired >_<
What I meant by rhetoric was giving the reader mountains of information and detail that was either too technical to keep straight or too unintresting to read through. It's a common thing I see in the first chapters of young writers. But the situation with the father dying and Kanae gaining possesion of the ship wasn't boring (nor was it full of too much action which could lead to a false climax), and enough information is left out to keep the reader interested and wanting to know more (What does the ship look like, what will Kanae do one he gets to the colony...). I don't know if you did that on purpose or not but it's a good technique :)
Hope I'm not confusing you or anything. If I am let me know!
Re: Transcender (A SciFi Story): Chapter 1
Chapter II.
[Operative 5 here.]
{Five, what's this about the Transcender? I thought we agreed-}
[Cut it, Three. It was optional. One said so in the meeting with-]
{No names.}
[A-Affirmative. Target is headed for SFD. ETA 5 minutes.]
{Is the package planted in the ship? The one Four put there as backup?}
[Affirmative to your last, Operative 3. Target ETA 4 minutes.]
{Good. Close this Link, then. We can pick up on Anmun Seven.}
[Confirmed. Operative 5, out.]
"Five. Close EthaLink."
Four minutes later, Kanae arrived at the SFD. His mind was spinning, reeling from the shock of having so many things thrust at him. His father's death seemed a minor thing, walled away by shock and denial in that dark, cold place inside him. He knew it would be infinitely worse, and this time, the second great loss in his life, it would come back double, after the wall broke down. A tear began to trickle down his cheek at the memory of his mother's death by plague after they came to Eminiar, and, consciously, he stopped it. "Missing and presumed lost," he said to himself, "NOT... gone." Kanae could not bring himself to say the word, the word that would make it all real and true in front of him. He slammed a mental door on the thought, and concentrated on the task at hand.
His pod was halted at one of the hundreds of parkdocks that allowed visitors to park their pods or hoversleds at the SFD. He raised the hood. The cool night air hit him, a sharp contrast to the thermically controlled pod. Kanae felt glad of the cold, a welcome distraction to the feelings raging inside of him.
Wrapping his daysuit tight around him, he walked up to the parkdock door and opened it. Immediately he was caught up in a crowd of people, an insane press of humans all headed for one destination, one moon or the other, one city or town on Eminiar, all certain their destination was the most important. Kanae used one of the mind techniques his father had taught him, and cut his mind off from the crowd, allocating only enough attention as was required to get him to his ship.
Caught in the tide, Kanae spotted a sign for dock 42 and rapidly made for it. He could not have explained his hurry to anyone, but he felt a sense of urgency. Something depended on him reaching and boarding the ship, as soon as possible. Reaching the door, he fished in his waist pouch for the Transcender's access chip. Finding it, he slotted it into the door access panel.
The door hissed open and he was confronted with an elevator. Kanae stepped inside with relief, then remembered the key. With a snap of his hand outside, he retrieved it just as the doors began to close. The elevator hissed shut, and a computer's voice said,
"Insert key for access to docking bay."
Kanae inserted his key into the slot, and the computer buzzed.
"Access code required for stellar cruiser Transcender."
Kanae was lost. Then he remembered his father's Master Override, the one he had learned on his fifteenth birthday and would unlock anything he owned. "Kanae Talari requests access override. Authorization Tau-Delta-Seven-Four-Two-One-Three." The computer buzzed again.
"Access granted." It spat the key at him. He took the small chip, cool from its passage through the reader, and pocketed it. The elevator began to move in a diagonal course, following the path to bay C15.
The opposite door hissed open, revealing darkness and cold beyond, the latter because the room was often open to space. “Access to Docking Bay C15 granted via override to Kanae Talari. Transport cube return to main port?”
Kanae muttered a quick “No,” too interested in what was inside. The cold, dark room beyond should have frightened him, he knew, but the exhilaration of what he knew the room contained drew him in far more than the fear of what else it might contain repelled him. As the lift closed, he spoke into the void.
“Kanae. Activate lighting.” Bright floodlights ignited from above, burning away the darkness and almost blinding Kanae. Through the lightning shooting through his pained eyes, he looked at what lay in the massive room and gasped, all other thoughts, even the death of his father, momentarily gone from his mind.
The ship lay before him. It was made from a metal that seemed to reflect light in all directions at once, so it seemed to Kanae to almost glow. It had a circular hull, extending in front of its curved, glittering wings. And in the back, slowly widening away from the hull, lay the bulk of the quantum ramdrive. He walked forward to the hull, reaching out to touch the hull. With a gasp, he pulled his fingers back. Selectively frictionless material! This ship must have cost a fortune! And, the thought came into his mind unbidden: If the outside is so amazing, imagine the inside…
He walked quickly, almost ran over to the near-invisible hatch. Into the card slot he inserted the Transcender’s access card. With a hiss and a rush of warm air, the door opened onto darkness. A set of boarding steps dropped down before him.
<Note from Equilibrium: Yes, I know it’s mean of me to leave you waiting like this. And I know it’s a short chapter. Transcender Chapter III comes out on Wednesday!>
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Re: Transcender (A SciFi Story): Chapter 1
Looks like my browser posted the last chapter twice. Look for Chapter III on Wednesday. Keep your powder dry and don't let rats scamper over your fusion core-
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Re: Transcender (A SciFi Story): Chapter 1
I'm not going to be any easier on you just because you're my friend.
Chapter I.
{What should we tell him?} *Maybe "How much should we tell him?"--it fits better with the next sentence*
[He doesn't need all that on him at the moment. Give him the short version.]
{Right. Is this a secure Link?}
[14KQ encoding ratio.]
{Affirmative. You make the call, Operative 5.}
[Me? Confimed. Operative 5, out.]
"Five. Close EthaLink."
*Are the quotes trying to show someone talking or what? And I think the alternating brackets and italics is a bit much. Oh well, you disgression*
Kanae woke, sweating, from a nightmare. It was a familiar one, dreamt on many a cold night when his father, the pilot of the stellar ferry Onmari, had left for work. The dream always ended with his father, in a ruptured cockpit, helplessly spiraling down toward the second moon of Eminai. Matore had left, as he did every night, after his son was asleep, and taken off from the Mintar Stellar Ferry Dock, bound for Emin 2 or, on occasions, the less hospitable moon of Emin 4. He *specify he, I know who you mean but people are idiots* reached over to his bedside table and switched on the light panel.
His room was sparse, *I'm not sure if that comma goes there* having only his clothing cabinet, the small cot where he slept, and the table, which held a light panel, a small digital clock, and the keys to the small pod which his father had given him for his fifteenth birthday. He reached for the keys, putting them in the pocket of his clothes. Since he was a child, Kanae had always slept in his clothes. "If there was an emergency," his father had said in his soft, precise voice, "a power unit leak, for example, and we had to leave, you would freeze if you were wearing your sleep suit."
In the kitchen, the telecom buzzed. A soft voice spoke over the loudspeaker:
"Incoming transmission for Kanae Talari. Repeat: Priority One transmission for Kanae Talari. Request telecom linkage."
Kanae jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen. The plastisteel *Do you want to capitalize that to show it's a brand? And a quick note (it doesn't matter that much), the time in the future you're talking about would probably have run out of fossil fuels for plastic.* floor was cold under his feet, and the room was dark, save for the light of the telecom. He activated the light panel and switched on the telecom's uplink.
"Kanae. EthaLink receiver code Archae-771. Open EthaLink, *The comma isn't necessary* please." *indent*
"EthaLink open." The face of Tanare Sudya, Matore's ferry owner, appeared. A flood of adrenaline shot through Kanae. *Adrenaline? I'm not sure adrenaline would rush at this time--maybe bile or something? Adrenaline is more women lifting trucks kind of thing.* Sudya owned the whole Seventeen-Four *Do you want to write it numerically? Just an idea* Section of Stalai One. He had founded the Masara star ferry *Maybe you should capitalize Star Ferry as well as Masara* business, and now was one of the most rich and influential businessmen in Stalai One. Such an influential man could only issue a Priority One call for one reason *that seems somewhat of a contradiction there--influential men can do just about anything they want, try rephrasing so it doesn't do that*: *semi colon* Something *don't capitalize* had happened to Matore.
"M-Mister Sudya. Sir."
Sudya's face was grim. Kanae's stomach flipped. "Has something... happened, sir?"
The tycoon got to the point quickly. "At 0300 hours Eminai time *comma* Masara Control lost contact with the Onmari. All *try "on board"* are assumed lost. I'm sorry, Mr. Talari." After the first sentence Kanae shut the world out, not ready to face the fact of his father's death. Already, *delete comma* the image in his mind of the kind, firm man who had been his father, Matore, the Captain of the Onmari, *delete Matore, captain etc. etc.--it's redundant since we know that already* was inexorably fading *fading? That doesn't seem quite right.*. Sudya spoke empty words about duty and honor and the good of the company, empty words that were tiny, that meant nothing, *delete comma and maybe rewrite it as "were tiny, meaning nothing in the world..."* in the world of Kanae's grief. Then the great business lord spoke about personal effects and insurance. Kanae knew that, even for his father, a Priority One call was a great honor. Then, suddenly, Sudya's words caught his attention.
"Mr. Talari, among your father's personal effects was a ship- a small long-range cruiser. The name of the ship is the Transcender." His mouth twisted slightly. It was a long-standing tradition on Eminai to name stellar craft after a famous person, place, or even a loved one. That Matore chose to break this tradition was surprising at best. *Do you want to mention something about it being typical of him? Just a thought* "It is located, as it has been for years, in dock 42, bay C15. *where? What planet?* The pass key is in a false compartment in the cold storage in your house. I'm sending the will and testament by EthaLink now." A will- formalities- were exactly what Kanae did not want to think about. Remnants of the eons-ago *I don't think a hyphen belongs there* exodus from Sol III when the Aminur terrorists destroyed New London on Luna with an ancient nuclear explosive. Unfortunately for the terrorists, the explosion rendered the moon's orbit unstable. Only seven star vessels managed to escape the blast radius when Luna hit the earth. One managed to reach Eminiar alive, and Stalai One was founded. Kanae had learned all this history, and more, on his computer, which was one of his two most valued possessions. *But ? * No possession, not even if he was one of the Tetrarchs of the Stalai, could make up for that ephemeral link he had had with Matore.
With a farewell and a remark Kanae supposed was intended to be consoling, Sudya closed the connection.
The voice of the telecom's computer interrupted his tragic reverie. "EthaLink closed. Would you like to open a new connection?"
Kanae snapped up *I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say with this*, his mind racing. There was nothing here for him anymore. However, he must find a means of supporting himself. He had the sudden thought that he would become an explorer, a wanderer in the stars, a stellar transient. In his tangled mind, one emotion, one irrational thought ruled: *semi colon and don't captialize 'he'* He had to get away. "Kanae. EthaLink transmission code Archae-932. Open EthaLink to SFD Dockmaster." *I thought that was the computer talking for a sec--specify a bit sooner. It doesn't have to be blatant either, just a bit of a hint.*
"EthaLink open. *comma*" the telecom stated.
A face of a young receptionist appeared. In the midst of his raging thought storm, he had time for one ironic thought: *semi colon* Some things never change. *What doesn't change? The fact that there's a young receptionist?* "Stellar Ferryport & Dock. Can I help you?"
Kanae straightened himself. "Yes, please check the status of the vessel in dock 42, bay C15, if you could." The receptionist smiled at his politeness, activated her computer, and spoke to it in a hushed tone.
"The Transcender?" the receptionist said, clearly thinking there must be a mistake.
"Yes, that's it," Kanae said, his voice cracking slightly.
"I'm transmitting the specifications to your telecom unit. Thank you."
"Thank you." A set of data appeared on the small telecom screen. The Transcender *I think that's supposed to be italicized* appeared to be a good ship. It was equipped with a quantum ramdrive for extrasystemic travel, and with several amenities for supporting two space travelers. There was even a metasensory computer terminal with an EthaLink. Kanae had no close friends, *delete comma* and had known how to fly a star cruiser sinch he was 10. *Those two facts seem so disconnected that they don't belong in the same sentence. It doesn't even seem to belong there.* "Kanae. Close EthaLink." His mind was made up. He would go to the small colony Anmun Seven on Emin 2 and look for signs of his father. If his father had survived, that was where he would be.
He switched off the telecom and rose, going over to the cold storage unit. He pushed aside the syntho food inside and felt along the back. About a third of the way along his fingers encountered a rough surface. He ripped away the covering plastic and retreived a small chip. Then he ran to his room, took his glasses and put them on, and reached for the keys, then remembered they were in the pocket of his daysuit. *Break up that sentence* Walking over to his clothing cabinet, he openedit *whoops* and retreived a small waistpack. Into it he placed the pass chip for the Transcender, the keys to his pod, and, retreiving it from a shelf on his cabinet, his small holocomputer unit. He looked back at his bed- maybe for the last time- and started to leave, but then grabbed the small digital clock. Closing his door, he retrieved his house pass chip, and, with an air of finality, left Seventeenth Level, Fourth Section, cuboid 9. *make a new paragraph* It was false dawn, with two of Eminiar's moons showing, providing adequate light, though little could be seen from their level. Nobody else was visible- Seventeenth Level was usually reserved for the middle-class, and most were asleep. He walked around the back of the cuboid and retrieved his pod- a small cruising vehicle that one had to lie down to fit in. he *whoops again* lay in and closed the opaque roof. Giving the onboard navcomp the destination, he pushed ACTIVATE. The pod took off through the tubeways toward the SFD.
Ok, I be likin' this. Most of the things I commented on were little cosmetic errors or just suggestions you don't have to take. I like the details and the care with which they were rendered.
But I do have two problems with this.
One: How could they just assume they were dead when all that happened was a loss of communication? I mean, couldn't it just have been a problem with the machines? And, more importantly, wouldn't Kanae think this odd as well?
Two: Kanae's reaction to grief. You might want to paint his emotions a little better. We can't tell if he's hardening himself, mourning inside, or indifferent. Or that he's over it five minutes later, which is what you're getting a little bit. Is he still going through disbelief? You might want to show his stubborness and belief his father is still alive a little more.
But it's your story, feel free to take or leave my comments at will. Fun to read (and I will read Chapter 2, but I'm lazy, but look forward to doing so.)
My forge fire is the glow of the computer screen, the keys my hammers: from these I forge blades of words.
Re:
That IS the question, isn't it? How WOULD he know for sure? Who are Three amd Five? Who made the call? Kanae had better watch himself...
Sorry about the little bitty things. Chapter 1 was done in notepad.
Thanks for the editing job.
Locke New Member
Posts: 2
(1/11/03 11:59 pm) Reply
My Thoughts
You write well, Equilibrium. Interesting introduction, though other authors as well as Orson Scott Card in 'Ender's Game' have similar techniques, such as Garth Nix in his book, 'Shade's Children.'
I don't read Science Fiction often, so perhaps my opinions aren't quite wanted, but I thought the many names and unknown 'space' words confused things.
There are a few errors in the text, but I believe dragonlady hunted them down.
All in all, well done.
Veridius Pretty Much a Regular
Posts: 92
(1/12/03 11:35 am) Reply
Might be some use to you.
Ah, I'm a huge fan of sci-fi, and I've been reading books by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle, and Poul Anderson since I was a little kid. I wont rail you on grammer or punctuation (that has already been done) but I want to touch on a few things. First, the terms you use. It is very creative to make them up as you go, but make sure your reader understands them. The one I noticed was "extrasystemic travel". As far as I can tell it means "travel a beyond the limits of a solar system". I can see this working if you are planning just to travel a little ways outside the solar system, but if the ship is capable of traveling to other systems and beyond, I would use the good old fashioned "interstellar" or maybe put "intersystemic" in there.
extra- more than normal
inter- between
intra- within
Second, the quantum ramdrive and the selectively frictionless surface. At minimum, I would give a little description behind them as to what they are and how they help the ship/what there purpose is. If they are going to play a big part in the story, or if they've had a big impact on your space travel altogether, I would give a history on them. I dont know if you planned to do this or not, but I didn't think it would hurt to mention it. Same for the Ethalink.
Thats about all I can think of at the moment, but if remember more I'll tell you :)
The atheist, the heretic, the survivalist, the adrenaline junky, the enigma, and the watcher. They are all one. They are all me. -
WO1 Kerry O'Leary
Re: Might be some use to you.
Extrasystemic = out of the solar system. Extra can also mean out.
Quantum ramdrive technology relies on the quantum vacuum energy that can be extracted and used as propulsion. It is an actual technology, unlike selectively frictionless surfaces, which I doubt we will be seeing any time soon. (Frictionless surfaces aid in exiting the atmosphere (no shielding in atmosphere as it conflicts with the gravity field of the earth)). The EthaLink uses technology that is way beyond us. It has to do with faster-than-light messenger particles in quantum interactions. (I know- whaaaaat?) Basically, a particle can be split and taken a light year away. When one half of the particle reverses its spin, the other does instantly. It's an actual property of quantum theory and is also used for the ansibles in the Ender books.
I didn't explain all this because someone was complaining about (I quote)
Quote:boring rhetoric
. QED.
I will release Chapter III on Friday. Sorry, but y'all have been so helpful in editing that I thought I would edit Chapter I before releasing Chapter III.
See you later...
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Locke, I know where you got your screen name. Is your sister Demosthenes? Good name, though.
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Locke New Member
Posts: 9
(1/14/03 12:22 am) Reply
My Thoughts
Locke came about because of... well, it's a long story, but no, it is not a sister that I have, but something close to it.
Thank you for commenting. You have just, unknowingly, put me in mind of what might be a good idea for a story. The ending will trouble me though.
Re: My Thoughts
Ah, Locke and Demosthenes were pseudonyms used in the book Ender's Game for Peter and Valentine Wiggin. 'They' would post commentary on a message board about politics. I thought it was a parallel. Post hoc ergo propter hoc.
I was worried about accidentally naming one of my characters a bad word in Japanese. Guess that didn't happen though.
Notes for Jen:
This isn't earth. It's Eminiar (Sigma Vega Four). So they still use fossil fuels for plastic. Projected time is about 2100 AD.
Seventeen Four- They haven't run out of fossil fuels, but they have run out of original names. Besides, it makes it easier to find.
All on board are assumed lost: See previous note. How would Sudya know that? Besides, EthaLinks are very reliable and rarely cut out in the middle of space for no reason. Therefore, it's probably safe to assume that. Besides, not to give anything away and spoil the day for the warm and fuzzy crowd, but Matore ain't coming back.
Fading: I was trying to give the impression that Kanae was clutching at sand slipping away (not to get too metaphorical).
Took most of your suggestions though. Thanks to one and all for all their help. Look for Chapter III soon.
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Re: My Thoughts
My suggestion of the moment: Weapons, drugs, gore. Would make for interesting sections where you run out of ideas...works for me. Veridius Kaine is always doped up on something for one reason or another :)
Re: My Thoughts
How does a star battle between the Transcender and slightly less than legitimate (read: on the take) police/army sound? Chapter III has that.
Gore I don't know about. Drugs even less. It's not as prevalent on Eminiar as it is on Earth. The Eminians are very proper about that. Alcohol, however, is another story. Wait till Kanae gets to the star ferry dock bar on Emin 2. Chapter IV.
tara khala,
Equilibrium
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I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Re: My Thoughts
Well, I use excessive gore, but if you use a bit here and there, it'll spice up combat, or give a more graphic look at some of the events...as for drugs, EVERY culture has them, no matter what...but, you're choice...alcohol is good :)
I just like a random mix...
The atheist, the heretic, the survivalist, the adrenaline junky, the enigma, and the watcher. They are all one. They are all me. -
WO1 Kerry O'Leary
Re: My Thoughts
Veridius, do you know you 'talk' (and probably act) like your characters (one in particular, hmm, i wonder who...)? That's not necessarily a bad thing, though. Thanks for commenting so much on my story. Off to do more writing,
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
Locke New Member
Posts: 22
(1/17/03 6:08 am) Reply
My Thoughts
Well, actually, Equilibrium, both Demosthenes (not my sister, but something close to it) and Locke did come from Ender's Game but we were talking about philosophy instead of politics.
I've read somewhere, that if you get stuck, you just introduce a new character or something like that and off you go again!
Re: My Thoughts
LoL...I've modeled Kaine after what I am, good and bad, and what I've always wanted to be...a drugged up, scarred, beat to hell, arrogant, chivalrous, super warrior thats doomed to forever walk the earth and other worlds, protecting the innocent and getting the shit kicked out of him at the same time...
W3rd.
"My thoughts flow freely, like the blood of those I have killed before."
-Veridius Kaine
SORRY!!!!!!
Sorry the third chapter wasn't posted earlier. I don't want to get a Microsofty kind of reputation, so I will get to it ASAP. I was sick with a bad fever the whole weekend, so I couldn't finish it. Will get to it .... said that already. Bye.....
Equilibrium
--------
I have been a word in a book.
-The Song of Taliesin
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