i think i broke somebody's heart
I'm trying to be a grown up, to be responsible, to think ahead and not be selfish. I like this guy, but I don't think I like him enough, and even though I miss him and I want to be with him, I thought it would be selfish to keep him when I'm having doubts. So I told him I wanted to end it, and I told him as soon as possible because I didn't want to be cheating him by letting him think everything was perfect when I just wasn't on the same page as him. THis all happened last night via text messages. I haven't heard from him since, and I'm wondering what he's feeling. He was supposed to be visiting me in a few weekends too, and I was so looking forward to it! But I didn't want to waste his time or his money on me since I am so unsure. I do miss him physically because he was so sweet with me and so sincere. He's a great guy. I love all the stories he has to tell, his humanitarianism, the way he thinks, his attitude on life. But I guess I still want more. I wish he were more assertive and more 'manly,' whatever that means. But that doesn't matter. THe point is, I'm trying to do the right thing and I'm afraid I did it wrong.
Perhaps you have broken his heart Blisslessly, and perhaps texting wasn’t the best way to go about dropping somebody from your life, but, in the long run, you have done what had to be done and averted more heartache for both of you, which would have been inevitable had you dragged it out.
I trust he’ll be ok, once his wounds are licked, and come to understand why if he doesn’t know in his heart already.
I’ve been too blind to see relationships crumble in my life and have been let down somewhat less than gently before, but always seen that it has to be for the best because it always takes two to make things work – no matter how much you may think you are in love, it needs reciprocating, and if it isn’t you have to be man enough to accept it and I’m sure he will be.
Re: .
The ebb and flow of time with people just trying to be happy. Why does it so often result in exactly the opposite? Well...if it wasn't right for you it wouldn't have been right for him either, in the long run. So...
...You did the right thing and should not have any second thoughts...but you will...as I would. I guess it is human nature to try to balance the pain we perceived we caused by creating our own for ourselves. Thus you must feel guilty for a while I suppose.
Make it a short amount of time. Look around...it's a beautiful world out there if you choose to see it.
----- Other than THAT, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
yeah, you're right
Thanks you two. I know texting wasn't really the best way to go about it, but, sadly it was our regular mode of communication. Also maybe being so abrupt will make a cleaner break. I guess I just wish I knew what he's thinking now. I treasure his friendship and I don't want him to hate me, but I also don't want to cause pain and I figured the best thing to do was to just stay out of his way. I miss him, but I know I did the right thing. I'm actually proud of myself for being so honest, as I have a tendency to lie to myself and not realize it and end up sleepless because of the self-conflicting. I was really looking forward to his visit! But here I am, strong enough and decent enough to do the right thing and resist the temptation of a beautifully romantic and loving weekend because I know that I have doubts and I can't let loneliness make me turn a blind eye. Ah well. Thanks guys for your support.
Aaaargh!!
I miss him! I wish he'd come and visit me anyway. Should I ask him? No no no, I think I'm going crazy. What the hell, can't a girl have some affection without worrying about the long haul!! I'm really itching to call him, and resisting and resisting, so I came here instead. And trying to remember the stuff about him that annoyed me. I wish he'd drop me a line or something. I'm used to finding him on-line whenever I log on, but now he's never there. Couldn't we just be friends? I need his friendship. Or maybe its because I'm lonely and I wouldn't be thinking twice about him if my social life were more active. No, but I enjoy his friendship anyway. He has so many stories to tell and I love listening to his adventures! Ok, I think I'm going mad. Don't call, don't call, just move on right along. Stupid me. Why do I always get myself into a zillion knots, just from the wandering of my solitary head? I swear I fall in and out of love with people even if they dont exist, just from the constructs of my mind, solitary confinement would be too difficult for me! I always need a reality check, need interaction to remind me whats real and whats fairy tale. I'm such an extremist, swinging from ideal to skeptical with every frigging heart beat. And I have no patience, I act on impulse, which can be disasterous when my spirits are so volatile. I don't know if anyone will ever understand me and learn just how to press my buttons without turning me off.
.
It sounds to me like you should be telling him a lot of what you are saying here Blisslessly, and if that means getting him over to see you face to face then so be it - that way whatever conclusions you guys come to will be made with eye contact, and there can be no grey areas, misread intentions or reading between the lines.
Was this chap settled into an idea of a long-term relationship? Do you think you'd both be happy being together but understanding the fact that you weren't setting out to institutionalise yourselves?
I say drag him over and tell him you love him to bits - but tell him how and why you love him so that his expectations can measure up to reality - just because you don't want a full on relationship doesn't mean you have to deny yourselves each other - if it means being mates, or casual sex in the cineplex - who cares? As long as you get to hear his stories and he gets to tell them.
You have to find out though, or the beasties within will begin to gnaw ever more purposefully!
lahibou, big hug!!
This is new to me, trying to be less childish more adult! I figure at 26 its about time I thought of other people's feelings before my own! heheh. Thankfully I'm super busy with research, so I'll delve into that, even though my concentration is crap at the moment. Withdrawal symptoms, don't you hate'em! I need to give myself more time before doing anything just to be sure that its really me talking and its not the withdrawal symptoms kicking in.
Its strange, I told him from day one that we weren't serious and we're just having fun. He agreed. But I guess I was more into it than I admit. But I know that as a person I just like doing romantic things and being thoughtful, regardless of how much I really care about the other. So I guess I confuse myself all by myself.
And now, still confused as ever.
But thanks La Hibou. You've been a good friend to me
?
I don't know. I tried to have one of those "no strings" relationships with my ex-boyfriend because --- okay, because I wanted the sex and the fun part but not the relationship thing. And it lasted about 10 minutes before he was telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me. And when I finally broke up with him again...he kept telling me that he understood I didn't love him but he loved me enough for both of us.
Err. No.
On the other hand, actually talking it out, face to face, and listening as well as telling your feelings is probably the better choice overall.
Good luck to you!
"So take me as I am.....this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man." ~Meredith Brooks
a stronger man
Hey Deshaz, Funny, you're signature lyric kinda stuck on me. I'm trying to be a stronger person because I'm notorious for my weakness when it comes to matters of the heart. I've never really been in love, and I think that when I do fall its gonna be a tsunami wave. Meanwhile, all these little scenarios that could turn into love affairs, i find ways to cut short because I'm afraid of the heartache and the potential loss. I already have trouble dealing with that stuff when its on the level of crushes and flings, so i can't imagine the difficult weight to bear of the real thing!
Re: i think i broke somebody's heart (aka Future Echoes)
La Hibou, this Blisslessly sounds eerily like what my ex says to me... I think we'd just about make it as good ol' buddies, and I've spoken to her yesterday in that sort of frame of mind. My problem is that I dunno as I can move on to something better while she's still part of my life. But you already knew that matey!
Wonder if Blisslessly's still around, and if so Ms B., how did it all pan out?
Re: i think i broke somebody's heart (aka Future Echoes)
I too wonder if Blisslessly lurks in the void somewhere - she was a very emotive poster and I always enjoyed her words - who knows - maybe we'll see her back with some other old 'faces' one day...
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