DeShaz
Registered User
Posts: 145
(5/2/03 2:27 pm)
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one of the many things that can't have me.
Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves. ~Albert Camus
I hurt a friend a while ago. I didn't mean to, really. My friend asked why so many women seem agreeable to meet him until he is really in their area and then are busy and can't see him. "Are all women incapable," he asked, "of being truthful?" I know him pretty well so I actually have some insight into the situation. I tell him I think he probably scares them. He is intense and is also very clear about what he wants. He doesn't get this. I tell him that most people probably don't expect to ever meet the folks they talk to online. Flirting is one thing, having the flirt show up is something else entirely.
I ask him what he wants from a woman, what attracts him to a woman. He feels attacked, he says, but answers more or less that he wants an intelligent companion who doesn't mind that he is having sex with other women when he is not with her. I say perhaps it is every man's fantasy to have a woman that is there when he wants her but doesn't ask any more from him than that. I'm not sure it's many women's fantasy to be that woman.
"Are you," he asks, "attracted to me?" This is not a simple question and won't be a simple answer - which looking back, I think he would have prefered a simple "yeah, sure" type answer. I say that he is funny and smart and sexy. He notes that I haven't really answered the question. I say that I told him long ago that I lead with my heart. I know the limits with him and I keep a close tab on them. I am not going to lose my heart to him. He asks, "What limits?" I say that many women fall for womanizers because they think it will be different with them, they will be the one he really falls in love with. I don't hold that illusion with him. I like him and accept him for who he is to the best of my ability. I don't expect him to be there for me in any real way. I know he will bore of me...he already tends to treat me as a companion he can talk to when no one more interesting is around. He denies that completely, of course. I say, also, that all he offers is casual sex. He says that is not true. I say it is my perception.
He's quiet. He says he is hurt. I say I'm sorry - I was just trying to answer the question. And I walk away wondering why people ask me questions when they don't want to know the answers.
Today, I hurt him again. "I care about you," he said, "but sometimes I'm a shit." I tried to accept him as he was, I really did. But honestly, I can no longer accept being treated as a puppy. Kick me, ignore me, just toss me a scrap once in a while and I'll still be there wagging my goddamned tail. No.
"I'm sorry," he said. No. Sorry is not repeating the same behavior. He continues to have problems with women who say they want to meet him, then back out. I suspect the problem is that to him, only his own needs are important. I tell him that too.
"I don't know what to say," he said. So, I let him go. I don't hate him. I just don't need someone in my life who is not going to treat me with respect. Who is going to consistently hurt me.
Being alone hurts far less.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. ~Einstein
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