Rainee63 The Zone Will Never Die
Posts: 1226
(11/26/04 10:48 am) Reply
reflecting....
hey,
i just came by to say hi and to thank ken for sending me a birthday wish from the bluebellyskies list. that was nice. i guess i should leave it at that. you guys are cool and i appreciate that some of us haven't forgotten each other. there are alot of good memories here. it makes me sad to see the way things are going now tho. i don't wanna sound all mournful or whatever.... that's just the tone of my life right now. <sorry> so many things i wish would have turned out differently. it's kinda hard to come here. actually, it's really hard.... sometimes i wonder what God was thinking... why are we really here? why did He give us the ability to dream and hope, when in all reality those things are pointless, cuz dreams don't come true and life is just working to get enough money to pay whoever wants it from ya next? why do we get to almost touch something great, only to have everything snatched from us at the very moment we thought we had it in our hands? no one is really trustworthy, nobody keeps their promises, everybody lies. why did He ever even start this big ball turning if it was all gonna be vanity in the end? (I know, now i sound like solomon.....)
i apologize for the pity party.... maybe turning 41 is a little harder than turning 40. now i'm 40-something.... it just makes me sound so much older. i wonder what the heck is going to become of my life.... every time i find a comfort zone it gets taken away.
anyway, i'll stop here. there's not much point in ranting. it's not going to change anything.
please pray for melody, my daughter. i left the message in another post, but in case you don't feel like digging, she's having surgery to correct the curve in her spine on Dec. 14th. (a whole nother set of questions i'd like to ask God one day about that, too...) but i said i was stopping.
i'll try to get back here with updates....
love you guys,
~ Rainee ~
"I'm here starin' at a bird on a limb/lyin' still only wishin' I was him" "If happy little bluebirds fly/beyond the rainbow/why oh why/can't I?"
Jan Wonderfully Made Moderator
Posts: 1240
(11/27/04 10:10 pm) Reply
Re: reflecting....
How's your mom doing also?
I guess there is a season for everything...here's to a bright future!
Rainee63 The Zone Will Never Die
Posts: 1228
(11/28/04 1:25 pm) Reply
my mom
she's doing pretty good, i guess. i think i'm in denial tho. it's hard to watch her unable to carry on simple tasks without having to stop and take a breathing treatment. i just have this blind spot in my brain that won't accept that she won't be here forever. not to say she's leaving anytime soon....
thanks for asking tho.
and i agree on that brighter future.
Rainee63 The Zone Will Never Die
Posts: 1237
(11/28/04 1:45 pm) Reply
Re: my mom
how's your mom doing these days?
~ Rainee ~
"I'm here starin' at a bird on a limb/lyin' still only wishin' I was him" "If happy little bluebirds fly/beyond the rainbow/why oh why/can't I?"
Jan Wonderfully Made Moderator
Posts: 1249
(11/28/04 11:14 pm) Reply
Re: my mom
She is doing good. She keeps busy with work and so forth. The holidays are sorta hard for her.
Wonderfully Made Moderator
Posts: 1059
(11/29/04 12:21 am) Reply
Dreams
The origin of my handle on this board is a character of mine. He's the dreamer-poet who can say what I have never had any great chance to say. As for crushed dreams, this is what was written:
"It's too dangerous to dream anymore. Maybe the world is bitter and jealous, or just cynical, but dreams are no longer safe. It seems often that the only option is call your dreams self-acknowledged delusions whenever anyone is within ear shot and cradle your dreams in your arms when you are alone.
Our dreams, the poor bastard children, don't often survive their harsher sibling, most favored of this world, reality, and his exacting measures.
So we can protect our dreams, we can keep them alive, but at the cost of the dream's freedom. We sacrifice these cradled dreams chance to survive reality, which is no life at all. If they live, they will likely die, but they will have lived.
...
I'm sure she thought less of me. She saw me as weak because I dream, but cynicism is not strength. Being jaded is not the best response a shattered dream, only the easiest. If you ask me, real strength is to continue to dream. Broken wings and all"
"I don't know... Maybe it's being on the road, without you here. I miss you."
-Brad Michaels(after having snuck onto the Waiting's tour bus and gone on the road with them)
"I told you not to call my house anymore."
-Brandon Thompson
Rainee63 The Zone Will Never Die
Posts: 1238
(11/30/04 7:44 pm) Reply
Re: Dreams
wow... thanks for that, ken. i don't really wanna give up on dreaming. couldn't if i tried, cuz i HAVE tried. you wrote that, huh?? it's really awesome. can i use the last part of it as the quote at the end of my emails? it's really touched my heart.
someone sent me this the same day i posted that first post.... i just now had some time to copy and paste it.
"The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It's for you I created the universe. I love you. There's only one catch. Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you'll reach out and take it. Maybe being able to reach out and take it is as gift, too." - Frederick Buechner, "Wishful Thinking"
anyway, between this and what you wrote, maybe God is trying to remind me of some things. thanks for sharing, ken.
(((hugs)))
~ Rainee ~
"I'm here starin' at a bird on a limb/lyin' still only wishin' I was him" "If happy little bluebirds fly/beyond the rainbow/why oh why/can't I?"
Wonderfully Made Moderator
Posts: 1064
(12/1/04 12:27 am) Reply
Re: Dreams
You can use it, sure. Glad it was any help to you.
I love the dreamer characters. Kermit the frog is my hero.
I like that quote you shared, too.
hugs back
"I don't know... Maybe it's being on the road, without you here. I miss you."
-Brad Michaels(after having snuck onto the Waiting's tour bus and gone on the road with them)
"I told you not to call my house anymore."
-Brandon Thompson
Rainee63 The Zone Will Never Die
Posts: 1242
(12/3/04 9:37 pm) Reply
dreams
hey..... you even spelled 'because' right. awesome.
thanks for letting me borrow your philosophy. and thanks for the encouragement. you're alot deeper than i thought you were. (sorry, just kiddin')
this WAS alot of help to me, really.
Kermit, huh? Kermit's cool. i always liked Ernie best, cuz he made me laugh with all those tricks he pulled on Bert.
Rainee63 The Zone Will Never Die
Posts: 1254
(12/12/04 1:16 pm) Reply
Re: dreams
hi again....
tuesday is Mel's surgery and so i'm here, for no particular reason except to say that. i think my tendency to withdraw is kicking in, cuz suddenly i don't have the energy to talk about it anymore. or anything else for that matter. but i appreciate your prayers. i'm just feeling extremely alone right now. and sometimes weight like this is way to much to even think about all alone. sorry to be so blah lately....
~ Rainee ~
"You've gone away... you don't feel me here... anymore" {Broken ~ Seether/Amy Lee}
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