want to comfort sister-in-law
Hi, I have never had a miscarriage myself, but I remember when I was very young and my mother miscarried. She was so upset she spent a week in her room crying. It happened to my mother a number of times, but it became something we never talked about in our house. My mother would get very sad if you ever mentioned any of the babies she lost... I don't think she ever got a chance to grieve. I think she was just told all of the terrible things people say, like "well you can just try again", and " it's for the best in the long run." My sister-in-law just had a miscarriage this week. And I don't want to be one of those people who try to comfort, but just say stupid things. She has a 1yr old son, and she and her husband were trying to get pregnant for a few months, so they we very happy when she found out that they were expecting again. But she lost the baby, and I want to do something to comfort her. I don't know what to do... I don't know if I should send her a sympathy card or flowers, or if that will make her feel worse... What is the right way to show someone going through this kind of loss that you're thinking of them?
I would send her a card or flowers absolutely. People have often said that they are afraid of 'hurting' me or 'making me sad' but that's just not how it works. The hurt is already there, when people seem to ignore the issue it only makes the hurt worse. One of the hardest things for parents of pregnancy loss sometimes is that there seems to be no recognition of their baby's life. When it seems like the world wants to pretend it didn't happen it can hurt worse. Let her know you are there for her, and thinking of her, and sad with her. It will mean a lot.
~"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." C.S.Lewis~
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